Another Bobjim?!?!
on Epistemology (2nd draft) by Ranger
3 Jan 2003, 4:29 PM
Nice one. Don't be put off by the 'experianced' poets. I mean, sure, they know everything about the world and if they don't like it, it's crap. Well, thats bullshit. If you like a poem, it's good for you. All that matters is, do you like it? If so, you've done a good job. And remember my motto:- ' Fuck 'em if they don't like it, 'cause they're all bastards anyway'. 10, Because I liked it. Anyone who wants to rip it to pieces, Sod off and get a life you low-life sadist piece of crap. Crawl off back to your hole and die. It's people like you that ruin life for the rest of us. Sad Fucks.
Is there a way to lose (1) "resolve line. preferably S-2 L-3. Other than that I wouldn't touch it.
please keep the kid with the chocolate pie.
It's cool that he did it and she said yes. Congrats to Kaolin and his fiancee - may the marriage be a happy one. Nice poem too.
I found it! It was in an old box in the garage. YAY! It's now on Poemranker. And in my diary. And on my hard drive. Just in case.
I would like to find poetry in the conventional. Too many people try to use words as unconventionally as possible. It's at times like this that the meanings of words becomes twisted, and the poetry, un-understandable. If you want to see me being "unconventional," check out Autophage. No one got that one at all.
Problem is, I like the politics. But then I'd read about politics for fun. I like nothing better than arguing about it in the pub. One day, I'll write a political poem that isn't too sloganeering.
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. 10!!!1
Relevant. Bullshitting? I am not bullshitting. Descartes is a goof. You will learn that one-day when you have enough experience to write a poem about your experience rather than the experiences you gather from trying to write poems about dead guy's and their ideas. Nothing wrong with the ideas, per say, but maybe if they were in a more applicable setting and did not sound like a thirteen year old who has ejaculated for the first time, then maybe. Maybe you would advance. But this will come in time. Simplify. Put the ideas that you glean from books into your common experience. Then maybe I will give you a 5. But get over the whole who-gave-my-poem a zero. I will keep giving your poems a zero as long as you keep letting me know it bothers you.
hahahahahahahhahahahaha
Thank you for the advice, it's nice to have some useful help!
I've changed it a bit, does it work now? I don't really want to reduce it because it doesn't make sense when read, however if you or anyone else can see a way to shorten it, please let me know. (Please don't put 'Delete it all', that's just not original now, is it!)
Yea I am only 18, but ive been through alot in my life thats why it may seem a bit mature. This poem isnt about animals as such, i should really let you all know that. Its about humanity. Slaves, ect.. Showing how the black slaves (or even jews) were punished for no reason, suffered the pain, treated unfair and put to death. I know its seems a strange topic to write on.. i feel strong about this subject though. thanks for commenting.
love, jax
yes.
"Scarlet bubbles floating in the patterned air
Dancing their woven path without a single care"
this screams his age; one does not need to look at his profile to confirm it. as for what he was trying to do, well, this stepping stone is not so wobbly as some that i have broached, and my jeans are no stranger to cold, mucky waters.
keep at it ranger. listen to the ones who say you fail--they are the ones who will get your ire to where it needs to be to make yourself leaner, better, stronger.
as for this poem: you knew what you meant; say it with half the words; make ME, the reader, question its existence. k?
Megadeath broke up. Noooooooooooooooooooooo. Is Dave going solo?
Rangers young for fucks sake but his work whatever you say has gotta Be respected, i couldnt write as a teen like this. I didnt understand all of this poemranker is not a hyperdermic shot of poetry some of it craves to be studied, votes can be postponed as intransit often does out of respect and i like that attitude, give the dude a break - hey ranger temporarily delete this do another version (if you can be arsed and compare the one you did for your palate and one for others) on 2nd thoughts go out tonight, seduce a woman, kick her out after, fill a pint glass full of bourbon and drink yourself in to a coma !
Is that a bad philosophy?
You did it beautifully, as long as your accent is warped enough to make 'staple' rhyme with 'ecumenical' and 'upstream' rhyme with 'palfrey' ???
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I thought vilanelle as a holiday home in the Algarve, liked s1, s2 and the last stanzas but got lost in the middle, however I am having a very very very blonde day and my brain is in exile so dont listen to me =7=
Indeede my poeme is not a Vilanelle. I just made up the rhyme scheme and decided to call it a Vilanelle. In much the same way I used to call all my poemes Concrete because most people have no idea what the fuck Concrete is, and also because I found it amusing when people kept posting outraged comments saying "This aint concrete!"
Oh, and by the way -
This aint Vilanelle!
just read that your only 18, I am 29 and have written poetry since I was 14, this is quite mature for your age. Keep choosing subjects that interest you, try to avoid forcing yourself to write.
Some good advice: accept constructive criticism from the users on this site, most are cool only a few are vacuous twats, there will be some users you will hate to begin with but they are the ones you will respect as most are honest, some very crafty, some will decimate your work, some wont, sometimes the vote system will confuse you, sometimes a top poet will give you a 10 and another top poet will give you a zero, its all about taste, pathos and whether you are respected. Try and be courteous by offering critique on other peoples work. Their are some hidden diamonds on this site and one day when we're all dead we'll be rich.
Good luck, now I'm off to lose another game of football