deadstar
on The Sea by Tarquin De La Bog
7 Nov 2002, 3:59 AM
I have to admit, I laughed my arse off, but then again, I do have a penchant for crap poems(both reading and writing them), and this certainly is crap
don't know whether to laugh or cry.Have a 5 for confusing me
In an alternative universe there would be no distinction between good and bad, and as a result we would have no prohibitions against anything, and furthermore this would be considered a masterpiece. Unfortunately we don't, so it's actually crap.
It's a kind of double mark of respect, both to Clapton and crew (who I agree were the greatest Brit rock band, along with Phil Lynott with Thin Lizzy), and also to my personal idol, Charlie 'Bird' Parker, the bebop alto sax god. Glad you like it, mush! Oh, and out of interest, what does Frass mean?
Listen just because ive invaded your so called territory that is this site you have felt a need to slag everyone else off at every available oppertunity if your so called opinion meant as much as mine and everyone elses you would spend less time citisising for the sake of it and respect the way people express themselves!!! and i have many others on my side to back me up.
I dont expect you to like peoples poems but treat us all with respect!!!
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If blade is a knife object the poem works for me but if blade is a is a person then it is harder to swallow.
But I love the title!
Not a favorite. But you were pissed, so fair enough.
Doesn't the fog offer protection? Oh, yes they are moving, or is it they? Maybe "I"? Hmmmm. Hey, what is a cyber back seat, you know, just in case I get lucky? Why "temp'rature"? Make sure to make sure it's not the stick shift!
neither. it was when mum called for a refreshering. the philladelphia brig is no laughing matter my friend they take their delousings seriously. it's a shame that you don't. thanks for the beans and the map.???
Christ! Sorry to have wasted your time. I'm not near as educated as you seem to be. I'm a long haul truck driver and this is what it feels like to return home to my wonderful wife after 6-8 weeks gone. I do appreciate the info and comments. How else would I improve?
Actually, I find that the whole last stanza suddenly becomes this angsty affair reeking of cliches. The words in capitals are dreadful, dreadful, dreadful! Bad goth poetry can do no worse. (Actually, it can. But let's not get into that...) It's especially from the beacon image that it seems to go wrong. Actually, when I first read this, I was hoping it would turn out to be a retelling of Ulysses's return to Ithaca.
The last stanza still ruins it. Especially the line in capitals.
haha...fucking funny stuff. is it your?. or did you hear it? regardless, it's quite funnyf
better. better keep faking it. clod. 8.