I quite like the internal rhymes you use. The progression of the poem is somewhat mysterious, but perhaps that is fitting as it ends in a surprise (but is 'pleasant' too weak a word?)

This is very direct, though I don't really understand the first/second love part - is that you? Or someone else? Anyway, you should forget this person and move on, you'll be happier.

Great beginnings. Heart murmur/clock is a terrific metaphor, whether politica, social or personal. The last stanza does not stand up to the intelligence of the first.

I think if this poem were upside down, it would make a good deal more sense. Or a least if you worked out the typos and grammar whacks out of the last stanza. Poor overworked public defenders. They are fighting for and justice for all, you know. They probably had slept in two weeks for all the fuzz bumping. If you wouldn't have been caught like a good criminal you would not have been in that situation. So are you a bad criminal, unskilled???...by the way is that really a big bulge.....ummmm. yummy.

Once this poem gets going I do not mind it so much. It is just the first part reminds me of loneshadow (albeit much better) and I just couldn't get past that.

I know you rock and roller, spoken word types are all over the place but this takes the cake. There are some fantastic fucking-blow-me-away images in here and some shit (I don't like the first three stanzas). I like the mix of realism and magic realism, but at times, you completely lose me. But it worked. I am off to the bar.

try a forklift. and some mineral oil. nicely done. quite the tail.it made me snort a foot long rail. 9.

yeah. i don't waste words, i lived in kc and st. louis, so what..if there was anything actually happening of interest there people would migrate, yet... they're not. why cause they are all to busy moving to l.a and new york from "misery". if your such a fan...why call it that to begin with?...and beverly d. is an actress. you know national lampoons vacation? coal miners daughter? what are you on zanex and drinking malt liquor through a straw? "mellow...mellow...boo! wow man you just hate the most acid i've ever seen anyone eat in my entire life" (tommy chong, up in smoke)what the fuck are you tripping on mr. i got eight poems now on the best list...shouldn't you be doing the ms. america wave and chewing on your crown at this point in time? you have no point. and you're wasting my time. thee end.

Calm down, poetandwhatever. At your age you're liable to a heart attack.

um, riiiight.