| Re: My Life by RION12 |
zodiac 212.118.19.111 |
7-May-05/4:49 AM |
|
Your parents will always be there for me.
|
|
|
 |
| Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe |
Dovina 69.175.32.185 |
6-May-05/12:06 PM |
|
A few too many words - supreme in line 2, of in line 6
|
|
|
|
| Re: PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
ho_hum 129.169.158.76 |
6-May-05/6:56 AM |
|
Why not let dear Melanie know how you feel:
melanie.mclean@gmail.com
A bit late now, but I'm sure she'll appreciate the thought.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Ooooo..that smell by windyone |
windyone 63.245.189.98 |
5-May-05/4:53 PM |
|
nope,comes from being breathed on by my man
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart |
Stacy Stewart 71.98.19.144 |
5-May-05/4:02 PM |
|
This was of course my first attempt at spoken word. I tried to shorten it up a little so it doesn't seem so draged on.
Thanks, I understand what you guys are saying.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart |
thepinkbunnyofdoom 4.225.153.144 |
5-May-05/3:05 PM |
|
Eh? It's long, and stops to really interest around the Religious remark. Really liked the following lines.
"The Lawyers that must at times, swim against the hem of the sea;
therefore
meaning public opinion."
There is controling your audience, and then there are failed attempts. This was a fairly good attempt. Like Alizarin_Crimson said a nice start, now trim it. Get to your point sooner, and if it's going to look this bulky, Reclassify it as a Prose Poem please.
<3 Jason
|
|
|
|
| Re: PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w |
INTRANSIT 204.110.228.254 |
5-May-05/2:41 PM |
|
" Stop reading Calvin Trillin"
poetandknowit
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Home by Dovina |
nentwined 64.60.192.130 |
5-May-05/2:27 PM |
|
Alright. Well, it's GMT and that's all I can figure out at the moment. Better than nothing?
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Home by Dovina |
nentwined 64.60.192.130 |
5-May-05/12:04 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Home by Dovina |
nentwined 64.60.192.130 |
5-May-05/12:02 PM |
|
Well, it's _updating_ now. Just ... wrong by a number of hours. :/
|
|
|
|
| Re: Home by Dovina |
nentwined 64.60.192.130 |
5-May-05/12:02 PM |
|
|
|
| Re: Waffleman by Stephen Robins |
Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
Again, I absolutely despise your work. And I know you'll take that as a compliment.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Grandma and Grandpa by jessicazee |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
A tale well told, but I always look for the twist, the irony, the lesson, or the laugh. Still looking.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a way to pass time by unknown^user |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
Not enough poetic character. Call it an esay.
|
|
|
|
| Re: Ignorant Children by Stacy Stewart |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
An essay made to look like a poem. A prose poem at best.
|
|
|
|
| Re: fake by eliznhaz |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
"to" should be "too."
"abandon" should be "abandoned."
"beatin" should be "beaten."
That's as far as I'm going.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Racism by Dovina |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
"Six" is arbitrary, maybe three to match belly, head and heart. "Tiger's" means "tiger has." Maybe I'll change it to "When a tiger rips your arm off." Thanks.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on Home by Dovina |
Dovina 17.255.240.6 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
Good call on the cap. "Then" and "finally" are admittedly extra. I was trying for a sense of sequence, but that may not be needed. Thanks.
|
|
|
|
| Re: a comment on The Instructor by Alizarin_Crimson |
Alizarin_Crimson 24.250.22.18 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
I thought of a "Dosh" as being thicker than a dash...its creamier, kind of like something between a slosh and a dash. I dunno. Painters will understand :)
|
|
|
|
| Re: Ooooo..that smell by windyone |
unknown^user 128.196.6.126 |
3-May-05/2:29 PM |
|
Is this an addition to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song?
|
|
|
|
