Re: After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust by Ranger	23-Mar-06/9:58 AM
Good use of the Glosa. You stick to the spirit of the original quatrain. "thorn words" and "cold door" - great. The last four lines really clinch it.
Re: Sea Words by ecargo	22-Mar-06/10:37 AM
Great description. Could be the opening of an epic novel or the spoken intro to a wide-screen classic. But as a poem, I look for metaphor and meaning; maybe I missed it.
Re: Dying for Your Sins by drnick	24-Mar-06/11:52 AM
I think "he's" can be dropped. "insecurities" seems inconsistant with sins and regrets. I like "all his sins" written with no apology or explanation, as if all sins are his. The last line is very revealing.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Mar-06/11:44 AM
Verse 2 is perfect. The sipping of chocolate milk while looking out the window at the Tetons, I take as something a truck driver might do if he were living dangerously and not paying attention to things that could kill him or someone else. If I'm right, it's a good image, given that you are in a truck stop looking at waitresses with their own kinds of inattention. I don't like the last verse so well, because I think you know these things better than they do.
Re: portholes in a floating coffin (burial at sea) by FreeFormFixation	24-Mar-06/12:02 PM
I thought Galivant might me some proper name, since otherwise it's just a varient of "gallivant", but found none. But since you misspelled confounded, I suppose that's all it is - a name you made up. If this is simply about a seance, I'm disappointed.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Mar-06/7:34 PM
I'm facinated with circular poems. You can start anywhere, and the thing just keeps turning. Imagine it written on the edge of a circle - all one curving line, with punctuation, but no way to know where to start. see: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=120460
Re: Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	24-Mar-06/7:40 PM
The first two verses are said so many times in poetry that unless you say it differently, it's a big yawn. In the third verse you begin something arguably unique. But the words "You will hear" stand there with no support like a street preacher. It could be a good poem, holding the same ideas, but better formed.
Re: After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust by Ranger	23-Mar-06/3:24 PM
Your removing Dickens leaves the street scene with scarf and shawl alone to show us the old-time setting. Now we have to wait until "love arcane" and still wonder if the shawl was just a hippie immitation. Also, Cain was to Abel as she is to you. I thought that Cain's guilt was a good way of showing this. It's still a good poem, but not really an improvement in my opinion.
Re: Buddy by ALChemy	23-Mar-06/3:01 PM
Yes, you've done it. Perfect ending. It's enough to make a bible-thumper take another look.
Re: Butterfly Belly, Orchid Face by Sunny	22-Mar-06/10:47 AM
A love poem that I actually love. "you that see exaggerated reality, must be kissed by love" - great. The first verse could lose the () for a preposition with better flow, I think. Welcome to Poemranker!
regarding some deleted poem...	22-Mar-06/10:34 AM
Your poems are often so filled with allusions that I don't know, or metaphors that I don't get, that I feel left out. This one lets just enough of the simpler life seep through. It speaks to me. But even I think that (only feels) can be dropped.
Re: Life Is Like A Rose by x0lovelylarnx0	21-Mar-06/6:53 PM
These are good thoughts, but not very well formed in the language of poetry. Try starting with Line 5, then 6. Line 7 seem parenthetic, and could be scatched in this poem, used in another. Next, Line 3, 4, 2. Just some ideas.
Re: REM Sleep by mystic enoch	19-Mar-06/4:14 PM
Sorry, but I can't see dreams having goals or plans. And I hardly think "refreshed" is descriptive of how I feel about all my dreams.
Re: Mid-July by Ranger	17-Mar-06/4:15 PM
An old-time Poe sadness, and just as good as Poe.
Re: Mango Pickle by amanda_dcosta	14-Mar-06/7:42 PM
I've never eaten mango pickle, and the seasonings you mention are mostly strange to me. Chilly would be chili where I live, and mango flesh is not white, but orange, almost yellow. I remember mangos hanging from long stems on huge trees in Hawaii. We picked them with a long pole, basket on top.
Re: Desolation by Beyond_Dreams	14-Mar-06/7:54 PM
Another way of saying Verse 7 is "I don't have to sacrifice who I am to be happy with you." That's nice either way.
Re: Indianapolis Since by matt door	14-Mar-06/7:45 PM
Seems like "the love of young wishes" should be "the wishes of young love." A nice sentiment.
Re: Settling in by INTRANSIT	13-Mar-06/3:11 PM
A good bed-time read until I come to emotional responses in your fixtures, "in approval" or "adoringly." I'm not sure I like a snooping floor.
Re: Dashboard Jesus by wilco	19-Mar-06/4:36 PM
Line three has an extra "the" and an inconsistently lower case "and." Line 4 needs a period, since the others do. And if you're into line-end commas, put one after s2l5. But the major stuff is really good.
Re: The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	13-Mar-06/8:19 AM
Well done with a difficult form. It's not entirely fair to point out story glitches in a vil, but indulge me. The girl begins crying, destraught. Then, in verse 3, she is merry. From there on, it flows well.