poemranker ::20 most recent comments by Dovina (81-100)

Comments byDovina, 81–100 back. Include replies

on a clover or two by T. Jonathron Remp 19 Oct 2008, 11:39 AM
funny, could make the last 5 words a new line
on night owl (4) by elementalidad 28 Sep 2008, 7:45 PM
you could leave out - but. Makes it more open, seems
on Words by Celticai 15 Oct 2008, 11:06 AM
You seem groping for the perfect set of words. Much luck! Starting with a cliche is not a good start. "Desperate to portray my mind" is.
on Sleeping Beauty by celticskatermatt1 15 Oct 2008, 11:19 AM
Clearly you love her, but clearly too cliched and unedited for posting. Cheers
on Him, again and again... by hobojo 15 Oct 2008, 11:25 AM
a bit too wordy. example: For I truly had the best of intentions - can be something like: I meant well.
I think "him" and "you" are the same person.
on The Story of Wallace, Janey and Norman by Bethy 6 Oct 2008, 4:52 PM
it sounds true. I don't care if it's not. The meter is mostly so good that the odd lines stand out. Is there a reason for threw, not through, used throughout?
on Lover by Bethy 5 Oct 2008, 2:03 PM
wow, what a dream! Tell me how to dream this way. Or am I wrong?
on Beauty? by Celticai 5 Oct 2008, 1:59 PM
Why is primping fake. Too many women take this absurd approach; they go out looking like boys. My soul is not even approachable if my hair is a rat's nest and my lips look like Tom McCain's.
on Billy Collins by INTRANSIT 14 Aug 2008, 3:55 PM
My name is not Billy Collins
on Amazing Grace ~ for all bass drummers ;) by Celticai 6 Oct 2008, 4:56 PM
I'd leave out the yes's only because it sounds more like a drum without them. Most of the lines have a drum beat, but a few don't, like "Overlaid with the haunting tones of the pipes" Not that they all have to, but it would be nice.
on :: a stroll by elementalidad 6 Sep 2008, 6:38 AM
prefer ice to frost
drop "the" before grass
lose the !
on my sweet by darylchew 6 Oct 2008, 4:46 PM
And I'll whisper back, You ugly piece of selfish flesh
on :: snowsounds by elementalidad 6 Sep 2008, 6:34 AM
not bad, just that the harness of 575, like corsets, is too restricting and unnecessary even in haiku and church.
on :: chameleon by elementalidad 6 Sep 2008, 6:36 AM
yep, another 575 haiku, straight laced and proper. It needs an "a" to begin Line 2.
on BEHIND HIS BOWED HEAD by iowajerms 6 Sep 2008, 6:43 AM
SuperDreamer has done you well. Ideas are better than poetry, so you've got the good part done
on Gadgets and Poems by Dovina 6 Sep 2008, 6:24 AM
Two male votes for the carpet’s rise as opener. Intriguing, vague and suggestive, yes. But to say this scrawl is better than "Rancor" - well, please reconsider.
on Suicide Note [Disposal Instructions Included] by SupremeDreamer 6 Sep 2008, 6:31 AM
The whole thing is melodramatic, not just knives and razors, a teenie kinda pimple. I expect better from street folks. Not that the execution is bad, or the titanium quill rusty, just the nonsense of the whole idea.
on SWF seeks SWM by Bethy 4 Sep 2008, 10:08 AM
Great, been there, usually ends like this. A good description
on GOD'S MOST WONDERFUL CREATION by iowajerms 14 Aug 2008, 3:52 PM
get real!
on Social Studies is for MORANS!! by T. Jonathron Remp 14 Aug 2008, 3:54 PM
Swallow it, you idiot! It's what you really want