on The Box by PsydewaysTears
15 Aug 2005, 2:47 PM
Moses?
on Puck by whispern_smoke_wisp
15 Aug 2005, 3:31 PM
I don't see why that makes it "a good thing."
on some deleted poem
15 Aug 2005, 3:46 PM
Will the box of inane and senseless missives I left on your doorstep return to me marked âShipment Refused,â but contain, in reality, repentant flowers and gestures of reconcillation? No answer needed. I can already hear the beginnings of âLoser, loser, loser.â
on some deleted poem
15 Aug 2005, 5:09 PM
I like the rhythm and the theme. "with the heartbreak" could lose the "the" I think. And I see no deed for the "..." The last line seems unsupported as a statement without reason.
on Written while Kayaking by Sasha
15 Aug 2005, 3:01 PM
You had me with the first verse - really descriptive. But as it relates to arogance and Narcissusism and the rest, well, I don't see it relating.
on Let Go by nicole081083
15 Aug 2005, 3:04 PM
At lesst fix the spelling, grammar and tense problems.
on untitled by nicole081083
15 Aug 2005, 3:06 PM
Pretty good rhythm. Fix the spelling! But mostly try to say it in a less trite way.
on some deleted poem
16 Aug 2005, 3:10 PM
I'm having trouble with the pronoun "it." Used three times, "it" surely carries something in tow, but what? The fact that "it knows" complicates the issue. I'll hold off voting for now.
on Poem for a Snowstorm by crooked_smile
16 Aug 2005, 4:12 PM
I think this could be said in fewer words, and in more words spelled right. You've got the makings of a poem here, but before posting, please look for repetition and loose ends.
on The burden of faith by Bobjim
16 Aug 2005, 5:47 PM
The first seven lines are good. After that, you add something to the requirements for faith faith, something unnecessary in my opinion - faith in certain people. I don't see how "the core of my faith would be eroded" if I fail to take someone's word for something. Doesn't the Bible tell us to judge these things?
on Looking for someone by INTRANSIT
18 Aug 2005, 10:24 AM
How about simply, "A Letter To Anyone"? Or is it to someone? Must be to someone, because there must be some ones you would not want as golden catfish on you arms. I like looking for all our lost pens.
on some deleted poem
18 Aug 2005, 11:00 AM
I've been wondering what a prose poem is. Now I have a standard against which to judge. Great!
on some deleted poem
19 Aug 2005, 12:05 PM
A novel idea and a good poem right up to the last few lines. I think you should stop at "kept on writing" and change that verse so it's directed at the same "you" as the rest.
on Chocolate Bunny by not_a_philosopher
19 Aug 2005, 12:06 PM
Funny!
on Smells by the_poetess
19 Aug 2005, 12:08 PM
The first verse is good, then it gets boring.
on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy
19 Aug 2005, 12:15 PM
At first I was impressed with a poet who says he's willing to forsake a belief if he receives truth that better supports a new belief. But toward the end it sounds like you are saying you already have truth and would not accept any other. The first 6 lines are great.
on Night Shift by ALChemy
22 Aug 2005, 10:15 AM
Good description. A few unnecessary words, I think. For example, "My senses being woven into cocoons" could be "senses woven into cocoons"
on Dear Lord, by INTRANSIT
22 Aug 2005, 9:59 AM
The most religious thing I've seen from you. What gives? I Like it a lot.
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2005, 10:06 AM
Too whimsical and non-specific for my taste, as if drunk on a quest, but it has some good thoughts.
on some deleted poem
22 Aug 2005, 9:53 AM
From such wonderments come religion, notions of reincarnation, and calling up the dead. I think most of it is little more than what you gescribe here.
Good poem. But why the ...'s
Good poem. But why the ...'s