on Girl of my Dreams??? by thepinkbunnyofdoom
12 Mar 2005, 11:15 AM
An interesting romance to follow as it winds through the ranker.
on 6 bloody mary's/2 cups of Rossi by Crakyamuni
4 Mar 2005, 12:16 PM
after 6 drinks and whatever else, yeah, why not?
on March 3,2005/I lost someone by RION12
4 Mar 2005, 12:22 PM
Then send it to Danny's friends. It's not polished enough for general audiances.
on A Dozen Roses by jroday
4 Mar 2005, 12:29 PM
The sentiment is hearthelt. The idea of relating sentiment to 12 roses is good. The 9th and 10th are especially nice. But too many lines try too hard to rhyme, and try too little for expression of the feelings you have. Line 2, for example, rhymes with Line 1, but should do more.
on some deleted poem
7 Mar 2005, 8:33 AM
The two commas in Line 4 add a charming hesitancy, which, mingled with the words âat leastâ must provide these oft-willing women with a sense dominance and control so often lacking where their pleasure is not foremost as implied in this lovely rendering.
on You Fell Asleep First by jessicazee
7 Mar 2005, 8:42 AM
Except for some confusing spacing and "my phone calls are touching," which seems to change the focus, I like it.
on The Privaleged by i_am_the_popsicle
7 Mar 2005, 9:09 AM
I didn't get past the first verse due to spelling.
on Poet, Earth mover by INTRANSIT
8 Mar 2005, 2:54 PM
If you're calling it Poet, Earth Mover, then maybe use bulldozer in the last line. Or you could call it Poet, Farmer.
on Rough Translation (Prose) by William Alfaro
8 Mar 2005, 4:14 PM
I'm sure thepinkbunnyofdoom appreciates the 10 you gave to each of his poems today, and the zeros needed to raise several of his to the top 20, helped of course by the 10's of Vince Dolamando, Nicely done! You realize, the poetntial is unlimited with multiple usernames and annonymous votes.
on To those that would teach poetry by INTRANSIT
10 Mar 2005, 12:09 PM
Why didn't you cahnge "it's" to "its" on this edit? It's been pointed out before. "forge you a sword" - don't get the connection. Otherwise good.
on A Dance by D. $ Fontera
10 Mar 2005, 12:01 PM
Seems silly. What on earth do you mean?
on Never Did You by Dreammaker1024
12 Mar 2005, 11:12 AM
Not really a poem, maybe a prose poem. To be a poem, it should be cleverly written, unususl, and touching to an uninformed reader.
on How to make a suicide bomber by Caducus
12 Mar 2005, 10:49 AM
A commentary on American policy in Iraq, and a good one. Some repetative lines, probably written in angst - "spat on your brothers" and "Killed my brothers" - "told you how to live,who to worship" and "criticized my God."
on Enchanted Place by Beyond_Dreams
12 Mar 2005, 10:55 AM
You have some good wording here, but I don't know the subject. An art-based poem like this might come through nicely if I were looking at the artwork. I suggest in writing such a poem that you provide a link to the art.
on Your New Apartment by jessicazee
12 Mar 2005, 11:01 AM
Punctuation would help to clarify, especially using prose poem form. As it stands, I had to keep going back.
on The Better Beggar by PodPoet
12 Mar 2005, 11:07 AM
It's a good point, but I think you carry on too much. Three or four verses could say it better. And trying to maintain rhyme and beat have weakened most of the verses.
on wishes by the_poetess
12 Mar 2005, 11:32 AM
I don't think anybody gets you. I've read the comments and see you as much younger, but like me, healthy, smart and bored. Jumping off a bridge and can't even drown. So what can I tell you except to find somepalce to feel needed and keep plugging away at this; it has potential.