on You. by Sway
25 Jan 2006, 11:33 PM
I like this.
on Tonight (edit) by drnick
28 Jan 2006, 7:12 PM
I was really high when I wrote this, which can be good and bad. I will keep in mind what you've said when I rework this. Thank you very much for the advice!
on Sky All Around Me (goddess edit) by ecargo
28 Jan 2006, 7:18 PM
I don't mean to get technical, but I'm not sure that light "curves." It can bend, but I'm afraid it is rectilinearly propagated and thus cannot curve. Other than that, I like this one!
on Lonely Road by drnick
8 Feb 2006, 9:01 PM
boy, i sure do wish someone would bestow their intelligent advice upon me as to how i could improve this poem...
on Twenty-Some Years and Five Countries Away by drnick
13 Feb 2006, 8:17 PM
Well...I didn't spend more time on this one, however I think it's still better than what I've been doing.
on as you are by Adriaan
6 Feb 2006, 11:45 PM
That's very nice, I like it!
on Anonymous Love by Angelicasassy
7 Feb 2006, 12:14 AM
Story of my fucking life.
on Dear Dad, Dear Mom, Dear Me by Miggy
9 Feb 2006, 9:49 PM
Wow...this is really bad. Come on, man, I know you're better than this. These sound like country-pop lyrics, and that music is for the musically retarded. Try to not be so obvious with what you're talking about, or say something profound if you do want to be direct.
on Hailing Miriam by Ranger
9 Feb 2006, 12:21 PM
Wow, this is really good. I like the 7th line, a very good analogy. There's so much to like, very well written. The part of this poem that is really amazing is how the rythem reflected how I would imagine her dancing: light and skippy, but so very graceful and smooth.
on The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy
9 Feb 2006, 12:27 PM
Awesome. I like "violets to violence"-that is beautiful. All the lines fit very well together...I don't see where you could make any improvments. The only thing I don't like about this one is how it makes me feel incompitent as a writer. thanks a lot. ;]
on My Fatherâs World by Dovina
9 Feb 2006, 12:33 PM
Pretty good, I'm not too crazy about lines 7 and 8. They seem too simple compared to everything else. What is with all the religious poems?
on Do Something by Miggy
9 Feb 2006, 9:55 PM
Hey, I think you might be getting it...this could be a lot better, but the SUBJECT is a massive improvement. Thus I will give you a 5.
This makes me salivate it's so good. I'd like to point out what I really like about this, but it would be every single line. I try very hard not to give out 10s, but this is perfect.
"And the best radio station in town
is nothing but static
And the heartbreaking hum of the road
is soft and erratic."
-genius.
"And the best radio station in town
is nothing but static
And the heartbreaking hum of the road
is soft and erratic."
-genius.
on Everything That You've Ever Wanted by drnick
9 Feb 2006, 8:28 PM
I've begun to notice that everyone else on here puts a lot more time and effort into their poems than I do(I usually spend an hour/poem), and I don't think it's fair to ask your advice on something I haven't really worked on myself. The stuff I write is just crap, I mean take this poem: how pathetic is my imagry...did you even know I was attemping to have some imagry?-It's that bad. You guys all write some amazing poetry, and I'm sorry for asking you all to do my work for me.
I will now pledge to work harder on my writing, although I have little time with classes, so that I can produce work that is of substance. I thank you all for being so kind and generous with your advice.
I will now pledge to work harder on my writing, although I have little time with classes, so that I can produce work that is of substance. I thank you all for being so kind and generous with your advice.
on some deleted poem
14 Feb 2006, 1:22 PM
I want to make love to your words
Then spoon inside your verse
Burry me low inside your mind
This poem makes me feel alive
That is to you, from me. You are good. There's not one line I would change. I feel inadequate again.
Then spoon inside your verse
Burry me low inside your mind
This poem makes me feel alive
That is to you, from me. You are good. There's not one line I would change. I feel inadequate again.
on a waste of time by hendrimike
13 Feb 2006, 8:23 PM
I agree with what everyone said: you didn't really make a profound statement here. Yet, I still enjoyed this, there are some good lines:
i went to get educated
what i got was self pulsated
on rooftops with a city view
margueritas, beers, and guitars
I'm not sure how you could improve this without completely reworking it.
i went to get educated
what i got was self pulsated
on rooftops with a city view
margueritas, beers, and guitars
I'm not sure how you could improve this without completely reworking it.
on Happy 40th Anniversary by Dovina
13 Feb 2006, 9:11 PM
I'd like to think so, but it seems as though you think otherwise. I like lines 1-3 and 10-13. nice.
on A Soldiers Story by Glasseyez
13 Feb 2006, 8:29 PM
Simple, but so are those who concieve war. I can dig it.
on A Midnight Call by amanda_dcosta
13 Feb 2006, 8:39 PM
Jesus-god Damn-christ. There is no fucking god, and I am empirical evidence of that. I am really beggining to tired of this religious propoganda. BUT, I refuse to judge this solely on my beliefs and how nonsensical I find your's to be, so...
it's actually good. definately go with zodiac's form and you will have a masterpiece.
it's actually good. definately go with zodiac's form and you will have a masterpiece.