replying on Gilded Lily by drnick
12 Oct 2006, 7:44 PM
I was under the presumption that one, when writing poetry, has some slack when it comes to grammer and such...but I suppose I was a little pretentious in this case. Haha, it seems like the grammer really bothered you...i hope you can forgive me!
replying on Gilded Lily by drnick
12 Oct 2006, 7:39 PM
That's because there was no reason other that to eliminate them were I thought they'd interfere with the rhythem. Not completely intentional, I was going for the servant speaking to his master psuedo-dialect...which I didn't think would be a huge problem, but(!) apparently it is not working out here. Hmm, I'm not sure I could fix this without completely scrapping it...I dunno, we'll see. I mean I do have so much free time ;]
replying on Dead Inside by drnick
12 Oct 2006, 7:33 PM
haha, okay...you got me.
replying on Dead Inside by drnick
12 Oct 2006, 12:31 AM
Way too much homework, and I want to demonstrate to one physics professor the physics behind a particular two-body collision: my fist and his jaw. I need to break something...
replying on Dead Inside by drnick
12 Oct 2006, 12:27 AM
Your nagging is in violation of Men's Rule No. 1
and f.y.i. i'm not talking to any females anymore because all of you are life-sucking, abscent-minded, whimsical, love-cleavers...AND ITS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU ISNT IT?! YES, YOU'RE ALL QUITE PLEASED WITH YOURSEVES BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, NO. YOU MUST PARASITE YOUR WAY THROUGH THE POPULUS CLAIMING ANY SPARK OF POTENTIAL YOU FIND IN ORDER TO FULFILL YOUR INSATIABLE THIRST FOR RUINING EVERYTHING!!!!
...eheh, got a little carried away there.
and f.y.i. i'm not talking to any females anymore because all of you are life-sucking, abscent-minded, whimsical, love-cleavers...AND ITS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU ISNT IT?! YES, YOU'RE ALL QUITE PLEASED WITH YOURSEVES BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH, NO. YOU MUST PARASITE YOUR WAY THROUGH THE POPULUS CLAIMING ANY SPARK OF POTENTIAL YOU FIND IN ORDER TO FULFILL YOUR INSATIABLE THIRST FOR RUINING EVERYTHING!!!!
...eheh, got a little carried away there.
on Caveat by MacFrantic
11 Oct 2006, 11:49 AM
nice rhythem, but I think Dovina is right...pretty good otherwise.
on To My Love by Lola
11 Oct 2006, 11:45 AM
Now, lola, I'm going to be quite critical on this poem...not because I don't like you, but because you can do better than this.
When you touch on the 'ol lovey-dovey subject we're gonna need something to wow us as the subject is way to common. In this, I get nothing I couldn't get from some cheesey pop song. I'll give you that it seems genuine, but we need something of substance here (i.e. literary devices).
p.s. love sucks.
When you touch on the 'ol lovey-dovey subject we're gonna need something to wow us as the subject is way to common. In this, I get nothing I couldn't get from some cheesey pop song. I'll give you that it seems genuine, but we need something of substance here (i.e. literary devices).
p.s. love sucks.
replying on Dead Inside by drnick
11 Oct 2006, 11:38 AM
really? thanks...I'm not sure I'm too impressed with it myself, but I'm glad you like it.
replying on Dead Inside by drnick
11 Oct 2006, 11:37 AM
Ah, the familiar '7' vote and a comment on my p & g...one of these days I'll submit a poem that even you will like.
replying on Dead Inside by drnick
11 Oct 2006, 11:35 AM
Well if you know anything about me, you should know that I HATE emo(emphasis on "HATE") and would never do something like that. Ya, you do need to write something...you're kind-of slacking and you know what they say about slackers: ...well, I don't know but I'm sure it's nothing good.
No blog, I have plenty of shit to say, just no time.
No blog, I have plenty of shit to say, just no time.
replying on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger
28 Sep 2006, 4:53 PM
I really like it up until the insect-line, I'm not sure where you're going from there on. I like "in clicking like an oaken farmhouse door" and "as solar flowers threw their manes around
with total disregard; the screaming slaves
in chain-gang rows." very good descriptions. At the same time, I know you can write much more vivdly. So fucking do it.
with total disregard; the screaming slaves
in chain-gang rows." very good descriptions. At the same time, I know you can write much more vivdly. So fucking do it.
replying on Doubtcohol by drnick
28 Sep 2006, 4:36 PM
p.s. That's because I'm a good person in need of help.
replying on Doubtcohol by drnick
28 Sep 2006, 4:35 PM
The captials are for the rythem.
replying on Doubtcohol by drnick
28 Sep 2006, 4:34 PM
The capitalization is supposed to help, or you could listen to the song "jambi" by tool because I took the rythem from the verse. My parents are just coming back from england, they went to visit my grandparents in ferndown. I never left school, I've been taking classes non-fucking-stop, but ill be done this spring so i suppose i have that to look forward to.
on Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger
27 Sep 2006, 2:10 PM
What's up, buddy? Just wanted to say hi, I'll be back later to read your poem.
replying on Ending Well by Dovina
26 Aug 2006, 9:19 AM
He'd have to exist to do that. I think organized religion has dumped enough excrements on society to make up for that, though.
on Ending Well by Dovina
26 Aug 2006, 9:17 AM
To be honest I didn't notice the rhyming , so I think that's fine. This is alright, but I think you can do better. It's rather bland if that makes any sense.