I give it a -9- as a new age ballad. Less if forced to rank it as a love poem. I can hear Josh Groban singing these lines in duet with Celene Dion (Yanni on the piano & Kitaro on percussion).

I love the monochromatic image. Of course, people who die by mortar shell explosions, traffic accidents and serial killers with knives die more colorfully. But the aged do tend to wilt in the way you describe.

hauntingly resonates with my hang-over this morning.

Nice rant.

OK. Your shit kicks my shit's ass. I keep trying to write this poem but I guess my life is too bland to appreciate the hackles raised on the nape of my neck as an "almost orgasm." Love the last stanza. I'm familiar with tofu boners but what is a meteor brother?

"Out of choas cums order."- Mel Brooks in blazing saddles.

I grieve for Bi-anca.

Can you work 'clit' or 'tit' or 'submit' in there someplace? Damn! I'm turning into a white woman-- Michael Jackson.

One moment can create a lifetime of history or two. Good-10-

I've forgottn why this poem should bother me. It's something in my past or in my future but it isn't happening now. Maybe that's a good thing.

Nice form. Well executed. Content eludes me. Maybe that's a good thing. I rarely like a poem at first 10 reads. Maybe by line 10-1 I'll get it.

A donut lying next to a maple bar on a plate next to linen-wrapped silverware after a weight watcher meeting when you find out you've gained__ lbs.

The only pictures I see on sills are through the window pane. To see this one, I am standing out on the fire escape looking in on your poem. Is this the perspective from which you were writing this poem? I like the thought of that. Please don't tell me "no." There's an intimacy attached to the thought of looking into other's windows. I just hope I don't get caught. Good.

Until the lines, "Having your children...
Watching you play with them...", I thought the poem was about being dropped off at the first day of school (September). I had to re-read to get the sense. As I was once told by an ex-marine after I read a similar poem i had written, "Dan, I felt just like that once... a couple of times." Of course it is not possible to feel this a couple of times. The first time kills your ability to feel that exact thing forever. I think he meant to say that he has felt that way about different things. The future holds lots of different things for us. Let us hope some of them are good things... at least, a couple of times.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I think you are capable of saying it better. But it stands at a '8' on its own. Thanks for not making it as long as my wordy verses.

"we sound like nothing but the wind"
Great thought because that's our job-- to teach the wind to speak.

Passionate.

Impressive.

Angst-nog topped with a dash of nice. A great desert poem. Good work!

Good. I always say, "Milk a cow and you have drink for a day. Milk a bull and you have a friend for life."