on some deleted poem
1 Nov 2005, 4:35 AM
Did you see the scene in the film 'About A boy' when the kid through the stale bread and it killed the duck?
on some deleted poem
1 Nov 2005, 4:37 AM
Reminded me of a wise old japanese man sharing his pearls of wisdom to a group of samurai.
Veryt nice.
Veryt nice.
on some deleted poem
3 Nov 2005, 7:08 AM
This was what I was on about on the other comment i posted the meter here are the bones for your words.
on some deleted poem
3 Nov 2005, 7:02 AM
I like your thoughts on how the dead are no longer able to hurt, feel etc. I think the opening 4 lines can be cut so the words following FREED OF resonate more.
The end line is cool but the bracketed words preceding would be more at home as a footnote.
The end line is cool but the bracketed words preceding would be more at home as a footnote.
on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
8 Nov 2005, 5:06 AM
Credit where its due this is the best I've seen from you and deserves comments.
I see a lot of control in this and the language form is a detraction from your usual style.
In a word - graceful.
I see a lot of control in this and the language form is a detraction from your usual style.
In a word - graceful.
on To The Modern Black Standard by ALChemy
8 Nov 2005, 5:08 AM
I got some ideas from this - inspiring and bar raising.
on Farm animals by INTRANSIT
8 Nov 2005, 6:47 AM
Check you out with your gift of ghazal sheesh this i sgood - love the image on the butcher.
on "46 million babies a year" by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
8 Nov 2005, 6:54 AM
Edward Longshanks once said of the scottish cad william wallace
"A man does himself good business when he rids himself of a turd"
Vintage.
Love the bit about the coward and a brush. What is the inspiration behind your poemes of poo?
"A man does himself good business when he rids himself of a turd"
Vintage.
Love the bit about the coward and a brush. What is the inspiration behind your poemes of poo?
on The Embrowning by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
8 Nov 2005, 6:55 AM
bowel moving
on phases of futility... by Bhaskaryya
10 Nov 2005, 3:11 AM
Indulgent. The opening line works but I'm left thinking if their is more beyond the surface to this or if its my overactive mind.
Last stanza drop stirs up the leaves (you dont need THE)
Otherwise quite solid.
Last stanza drop stirs up the leaves (you dont need THE)
Otherwise quite solid.
on I LOVE A PROSTITUTE by Bhaskaryya
10 Nov 2005, 3:13 AM
We're all whores at some point in our lives.
Poets are the worst kind, we like to parade our words hoping others buy what we say.
Poets are the worst kind, we like to parade our words hoping others buy what we say.
on Night song of Pattaya by Caducus
21 Nov 2005, 9:19 AM
Grey as kerbs - grey upon grey, plinths for statues frozen in time commemorating nothing but filth.
on some deleted poem
22 Nov 2005, 5:51 AM
and therefore....silence.
on Silent Night by Dovina
29 Nov 2005, 3:51 AM
If his piece was so heavenly would your night be so silent>?
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
1 Dec 2005, 3:14 AM
lol
on Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina
1 Dec 2005, 3:15 AM
Its very good, focused but i think the meter could be more controlled you do a me three years ago with the odd verbose line.
Imaginative and one of your best.
Imaginative and one of your best.
on Shamefaced by Doug
2 Dec 2005, 1:51 AM
If more concise this could be good but as you're a bit of a dick for the way you critiqued my work I can't be bothered to waste my time.
A shame because your work isn't half bad but you moan about how many hits your getting and you leave comments like - "your work sucks big panther nuts"
Not the brightest crayon in the box are we.
A shame because your work isn't half bad but you moan about how many hits your getting and you leave comments like - "your work sucks big panther nuts"
Not the brightest crayon in the box are we.
on Night Shift by ALChemy
6 Dec 2005, 3:46 AM
Good combination of rhyme without losing substance. The only part which let it down is :As my zombified body
eats my brain.
Yet it does make a strong point without being said as strongly as you could. 8
eats my brain.
Yet it does make a strong point without being said as strongly as you could. 8
on Dying Abroad by zodiac
6 Dec 2005, 6:25 AM
I have no idea of hte complexities of a triolet but the word play was inspiring and parts reminded me of Frost.
One of the best I've read in a while on here.
One of the best I've read in a while on here.
strong.