on The funeral and the table by Caducus
13 Jan 2006, 6:49 AM
Formerly another poem altogether. A change of style nad experimental for me here and suggestions (if any) most welcome.
replying on The copper man and Labrador by Caducus
13 Jan 2006, 2:22 AM
I used to do that when i was a prick in my beginnings here, not anymore votes mean jack shit to me but your comment does but i can see why.
People I live with, work with, read my stuff but if you look as i have i've not just been tenned.
I cant blame you for thinkin it however.
People I live with, work with, read my stuff but if you look as i have i've not just been tenned.
I cant blame you for thinkin it however.
on Intestinal Splash by cyan9
12 Jan 2006, 9:23 AM
Good but stanza 4 for me makes it tiresome, too biological, out of synch.
on Photograph by <~>
12 Jan 2006, 9:20 AM
From my loft i found all my pictures and schoolwork from near age zero and reading this the day after prologed the feeling of '5' ....Line 3 was mine once too.
on the sky chooses blue by <~>
12 Jan 2006, 9:18 AM
love kneescrape clarity - prayer like.
Clarity.
Clarity.
on He Looks Great In Lycra by GAY AS FU*K
10 Jan 2006, 9:33 AM
What a talent
on Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus
29 Dec 2005, 7:33 AM
Line 3 should i say: he drew his breaths like a miners pick
instead of heroes sword?
Its a draft for sure but thanks cldtrucky
instead of heroes sword?
Its a draft for sure but thanks cldtrucky
on For Love of Baseball by Dovina
29 Dec 2005, 4:32 AM
I like the end it wraps it up well
on Hoi Polloi by INTRANSIT
29 Dec 2005, 4:18 AM
Cute observation.
replying on The Cowardice of Francis Evans by Caducus
16 Dec 2005, 1:42 AM
You're a hard one to please but i like that about you. The frost on blades of grass melting is to imply the grass weeping for whats underneath it as everything else blooms the rest is not. Technically its a turkey but its a hybrid, a experimental piece and all points made are fair by you all.
So long as it hits its a breather.
So long as it hits its a breather.
on Dying Abroad by zodiac
6 Dec 2005, 6:25 AM
I have no idea of hte complexities of a triolet but the word play was inspiring and parts reminded me of Frost.
One of the best I've read in a while on here.
One of the best I've read in a while on here.
on Night Shift by ALChemy
6 Dec 2005, 3:46 AM
Good combination of rhyme without losing substance. The only part which let it down is :As my zombified body
eats my brain.
Yet it does make a strong point without being said as strongly as you could. 8
eats my brain.
Yet it does make a strong point without being said as strongly as you could. 8
on Shamefaced by Doug
2 Dec 2005, 1:51 AM
If more concise this could be good but as you're a bit of a dick for the way you critiqued my work I can't be bothered to waste my time.
A shame because your work isn't half bad but you moan about how many hits your getting and you leave comments like - "your work sucks big panther nuts"
Not the brightest crayon in the box are we.
A shame because your work isn't half bad but you moan about how many hits your getting and you leave comments like - "your work sucks big panther nuts"
Not the brightest crayon in the box are we.
on Divorcing Tennessee by Dovina
1 Dec 2005, 3:15 AM
Its very good, focused but i think the meter could be more controlled you do a me three years ago with the odd verbose line.
Imaginative and one of your best.
Imaginative and one of your best.
on The Ballad of Fraser Allonby Q.C., Barrister-At-Law by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
1 Dec 2005, 3:14 AM
lol
replying on The copper man and Labrador by Caducus
1 Dec 2005, 3:02 AM
Spot on - except the dog turned blue from the siren lights
replying on The copper man and Labrador by Caducus
30 Nov 2005, 1:56 AM
Thanks
the vagrant was dressed in the shadows of the people wearing versace and wasn't actually wearing versace.
My grammar needs spanking.
the vagrant was dressed in the shadows of the people wearing versace and wasn't actually wearing versace.
My grammar needs spanking.