on You Have It Backwards by LilMsLadyPoet
27 Aug 2007, 2:14 PM
Why have you removed all your poemes?
on The Dark Poet by Dovina
27 Aug 2007, 1:56 PM
To make it topical, I suggest the following alternative finale: "for gifts like these they call him drnick".
on To a Grunting Man on the Train by Christof
7 Aug 2007, 1:52 AM
Mostly marvellous, the rhythm reminds me of the clicking of a train except for the middle of stanza two where it becomes a bit disjointed. I didn't see any need for the backstage pass, but the rest is grand.
replying on Wreck of the Poor Anchor by Dovina
21 Jul 2007, 5:57 AM
Yesterday I officially became a Gradu-ate and the ceremony was splendid apart from a trinity of babies who managed to set up some sort of crying rota well in advance. As soon as one of the little fuckers had bawled its tonsils out another would pick up the chant with added smugness. So I must disagree that any baby speaks merely for the joy of speaking; it is more clearly for the joy of interrupting a solemn and dignified event.
replying on Blanket Weed by Christof
18 Jul 2007, 4:32 PM
I think Dovina over-complicated her reading. Sometimes a poeme works better with a light read than a really in-depth analysis of the logic. The critic tends to end up confusing his/herself.
Frost's sonnet "A Soldier" should be required reading by law.
Frost's sonnet "A Soldier" should be required reading by law.
on I sang myself a soft goodbye by PsydewaysTears
11 Jul 2007, 3:01 PM
I don't know if this is how it's meant, but with a little fine-tuning this would make a sweet poem for children.
on Cotopaxi Store, Colorado by Dovina
11 Jul 2007, 2:58 PM
Nice lyricism, I don't know what the stereotype of a country girl from Colorado is though - I need to travel more.
on Blanket Weed by Christof
11 Jul 2007, 2:53 PM
You've had the Robert Frost touch in your last few posts; this is the only one in my opinion which creates more than a sense of triviality. Very enjoyable, dear chap.
on Lick up your ears by Dental Panic
3 Jul 2007, 2:43 AM
Wow - I just rediscovered this little gem. 'Today I've decided I wasn't killed. No way' is the best thing I've read for some time. Glorious, and favourited.
replying on The Demonbaker's Death by PsydewaysTears
3 Jul 2007, 2:39 AM
What am I supposed to say if people keep stealing my comments in advance?
replying on Consider the Grass by Dovina
3 Jul 2007, 2:37 AM
It works better now. 'Sways to wind and rain' is exactly what I was talking about. Perhaps a couple more sibilants in some places to keep a constant hissing of grass? Maybe that would be a little over the top, but it might be worthwhile playing around with the sound.
on The Other Cancer by lexxie100
3 Jul 2007, 2:30 AM
This is very good in many places, but when you force the rhymes it loses some of its intensity. If you want to rhyme (I love rhymed poetry) then try using a rhyming dictionary - there are plenty of good ones online - for greater variety. Throwing in some unobvious rhymes here and there usually works well, but the most important thing is to remember that rhyme is a rhythmic device, and should be subtle rather than forced.
I hope this isn't from your own experience.
I hope this isn't from your own experience.
on Consider the Grass by Dovina
1 Jul 2007, 3:20 AM
The images are good and in places you hint at a swaying rhythm which is ace, but you don't sustain it. The final stanza is marvellous.
on light [edited] by lmp
1 Jul 2007, 3:16 AM
Unless you're sleeping with bacon, the rind wants explaining in the title. You give us the light in the poem, so the title's free to do a bit more work. Nice image, now that I know what it's about.
You know you sent me an email a while ago (refer to a previous conversation for evidence...)? It never arrived. I'd like to tell you what this says about Microsoft, but the words just won't appear. Have you considered Facebook?