replying on Her Mitts by Nepanthe
13 Mar 2007, 1:46 PM
Actually, I don't quite know what I was talking about. You can solve it just by saying 'mitts of her own'.
replying on Pedaling West by Dovina
13 Mar 2007, 1:44 PM
Even so, if you're cycling then you're going to be using a repetitive motion - the pedalling - and I really think the poem would be more effective if you brought that through. The metric structure should do the same job as the chain and gears of your bike - it doesn't have that impact on me at present.
120 days? That's insane, I hope you're getting paid for it (or at the least, getting free chiropodist service afterwards.) Bet you don't see a kingfisher.
120 days? That's insane, I hope you're getting paid for it (or at the least, getting free chiropodist service afterwards.) Bet you don't see a kingfisher.
replying on Pedaling West by Dovina
13 Mar 2007, 1:29 PM
It feels like you're trying for something light and kind of cutesy - I think it needs the meter to skip quickly rather than just trundle along. That's the fun of cycling; blitzing it along a canal towpath chasing kingfishers, not just moseying from one pub to the next.
on Pedaling West by Dovina
13 Mar 2007, 1:19 PM
This is more like a diary entry in verses. I don't think there's anything wrong with that per se, but it needs to be delivered in either an interesting or easyflowing manner - I hate to say this but rhymes would do the trick here. It feels like you've gone for straight iambic meter but I think it needs more than that. Either that or some truly staggering imagery throughout.
on The Landscape by Sasha
13 Mar 2007, 1:13 PM
I assume the translation is as good as it reads. The poeme's 50-50 on the ace/turd spectrum though.
on Ben Fogle by Stephen Robins
11 Mar 2007, 2:34 PM
I do hope you've been watching Crufts. He was particularly splendidly attired today.
on Hallelujah by hungry_shepherd
10 Mar 2007, 9:31 AM
You must know, surely, that any appreciator of Cohen (or, more likely, Buckley) will not be able to bring themself to accept this.
on Rock and Roll by wilco
8 Mar 2007, 2:19 AM
I'd like to hear this one, as I can't tell whether the rhyme of 'fury' and 'money' (and 'Mississippi') will be distracting or not.
on A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere
8 Mar 2007, 2:16 AM
Aside from 'smally dance' this is so good. I don't know why people haven't read you more on here.
on Dancing for dinner by fevriere
8 Mar 2007, 2:04 AM
Top drawer stuff.
on A whole load of cunts by mr cunt
8 Mar 2007, 1:43 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You are hilarious!
Those were ip addresses from my college system.
-10- for making me cry with laughter.
Those were ip addresses from my college system.
-10- for making me cry with laughter.
on Quantum Reality by Quarton
8 Mar 2007, 1:36 AM
Interesting read - in a few places it sounds more science textbook-y than poetic ('ever increasing complexity' etc.) I liked stanza 5 and its cosmic dance - perhaps a reference to Holst's Planets Suite would have been appropriate there?
It's certainly a piece with some education behind it - I like that, but my failing is a short attention span. Maybe cutting it into two or three sections would make it easier for simpletons like myself to read in one sitting?
Good poem though.
It's certainly a piece with some education behind it - I like that, but my failing is a short attention span. Maybe cutting it into two or three sections would make it easier for simpletons like myself to read in one sitting?
Good poem though.
replying on Quantum Reality by Quarton
8 Mar 2007, 1:28 AM
I'm reading Slaughterhouse Five at the moment, it has a lot to live up to as I thought The Sirens of Titan was awesome. Have you heard Al Stewart's song about the book?
As for the deleted posts, you must be clicking on the red 'X' rather than the 'reply' button. We really should get nentwined to move that button somewhere less offensive...
As for the deleted posts, you must be clicking on the red 'X' rather than the 'reply' button. We really should get nentwined to move that button somewhere less offensive...
on A Single Strand of Golden Yellow by Aetius
3 Mar 2007, 8:29 AM
This is the level of mediocrity to which the majority of us aspire.
replying on The Medium of Dunce by Ranger
23 Feb 2007, 6:37 AM
That's true. Indeed, I may have misheard her drunken mumblings; she might have actually said 'Thank you' in beggar dialect as I accidentally dropped a shiny penny on the pavement in front of her. I could not bring myself to attempt to retrieve it from the bow'ls of hell, so let it be.
That being said, I might remind you that no fortune can ever buy enough wipes for that mammoth task. For the rule of bum is that the severity of soiling is always directly inversely proportional to the number and strength of available wipes. So, by that logic, if a beggar were to come into the modest sum of, say, twelve pounds (sterling) and fifty pence, it would do him no good whatsoever - for at that precise moment in time the local Stainsbury's would sell out of scented bathroom tow'lettes*.
*ecargo was wrong - "tow'lette" is a far better word than "bow'ls".
That being said, I might remind you that no fortune can ever buy enough wipes for that mammoth task. For the rule of bum is that the severity of soiling is always directly inversely proportional to the number and strength of available wipes. So, by that logic, if a beggar were to come into the modest sum of, say, twelve pounds (sterling) and fifty pence, it would do him no good whatsoever - for at that precise moment in time the local Stainsbury's would sell out of scented bathroom tow'lettes*.
*ecargo was wrong - "tow'lette" is a far better word than "bow'ls".
replying on The Medium of Dunce by Ranger
22 Feb 2007, 12:56 AM
You did? It never came through -- maybe Microsoft really have reported us to the FBI. You cannot imagine how much I'd love that ;-)