on Jesus-f-ingChrist I'm Sober by embersandenvelopes
1 Apr 2004, 8:05 AM
Like how you got from sheep to where's my drink in one easy step.
replying on A country called Cha by richa
30 Mar 2004, 12:04 PM
Yes, that would be better. It was the sight of beard on the paper that amused me I think.
replying on A country called Cha by richa
30 Mar 2004, 12:03 PM
If I rewrite, I will put in more clues, I would prefer not to have to explain.
Is there anything specific?
Is there anything specific?
on A Flower for Monet by Shuushin
30 Mar 2004, 6:42 AM
Very well put together.
on I Married an Infectious Woman (My Love, 'Futility') by SupremeDreamer
30 Mar 2004, 6:39 AM
I rather like the refrain 'Where o where is my delusion of power/ that eludes me in this comic and dire hour'
Bits about disease spreading seed are a bit old hat.
Bits about disease spreading seed are a bit old hat.
on Darkness Falls On Tenement Twelve by Mona Lisa
30 Mar 2004, 6:33 AM
First verse is very good, the rest falls apart a bit due to its reliance on abstractions, it also gets a bit self-absorbed.
'I didn't totally cop out and buy a generic greeting card, I created my own.' - you created your own generic greeting card. Well done?!
You say that criticisms are arbitrary, it would be more accurate to call them general. By using cliches you claim people know what you are saying, but by using cliches all you are saying is 'I agree'.
You say that criticisms are arbitrary, it would be more accurate to call them general. By using cliches you claim people know what you are saying, but by using cliches all you are saying is 'I agree'.
on Love in Winter Storage by Russell
25 Mar 2004, 5:21 AM
Quite a nice sound (apart from the sings/distemper stings forced rhyme).
Not sure sparrows lurk though.
Not sure sparrows lurk though.
on Fishing Trip by darkshark
25 Mar 2004, 5:17 AM
Neatly done
replying on Quiet Lakes by Fear of Garbage
23 Mar 2004, 3:39 PM
get it now, it was the line breaks that put me off.
replying on We Need To Buy Socks, Michael by Fear of Garbage
23 Mar 2004, 3:14 PM
neither wearing socks - sounds like they have just done some of what crystal lane swift talks about a lot.
Close?
Close?
on Quiet Lakes by Fear of Garbage
23 Mar 2004, 3:03 PM
Like I can read korean and symbols on my wrists and the idea of poison from a mercury thermometer.
A couple of picks:
No real need for 'I wonder if this site has spoiled me' the symbolism works without.
Don't really understand how this follows on: 'Instead of dancing, Getting drunk and throwing up, There are imaginists.'
A couple of picks:
No real need for 'I wonder if this site has spoiled me' the symbolism works without.
Don't really understand how this follows on: 'Instead of dancing, Getting drunk and throwing up, There are imaginists.'
on Dissenting voice by richa
23 Mar 2004, 11:32 AM
Just to clear things up, the first verse is not a quote, I would have credited a quote. The marks were just to signify an outside voice.
on March Madness by jessicazee
23 Mar 2004, 7:27 AM
The verses don't seem to follow on, and I agree with hypatia on the great small thing.
A few nice descriptions in there.
A few nice descriptions in there.
on urge purged by caffrey
23 Mar 2004, 7:24 AM
Like the flow and sounds.
Too many abstracts stated without showing the reader what you mean, jealousy, bitterness, envy, grief etc.
Also 'in jealous shoes' sounds very forced.
Too many abstracts stated without showing the reader what you mean, jealousy, bitterness, envy, grief etc.
Also 'in jealous shoes' sounds very forced.
on Mixed Posture by Blindpoetry
23 Mar 2004, 7:11 AM
Like the crazed ramblings of a schizophrenic. i.e. too fragmented to make sense. Has a certain energy though.
on Senseless Murder by Sapphire2589
20 Mar 2004, 4:09 PM
Needs better research. I am not believing the murder thingy
on To all the assholes.. by KaytiaraFaith
18 Mar 2004, 11:23 AM
Do you see what you have done here. You have written a poem making ill thought out comments on other peoples poems 'nonsense... disguised as poetry'
Directly after you have stomped your feet because 'a few idiots made stupid comments' about yours.
Directly after you have stomped your feet because 'a few idiots made stupid comments' about yours.