Comments byricha, 1041–1060 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Standing by the Sea by thepinkbunnyofdoom 1 Jul 2003, 10:59 AM
definitely an 'other'

interesting, like an individuals log from the point of the observer, extra points for that.

I think you could miss out the end bit explaining it, it is not really needed
on Watching My Childhood Vanish by Caducus 1 Jul 2003, 10:55 AM
sentiment done many times before about the childhood den etc

imagery good and placed in a very definite place



on Blind Walk Into Poem Ranker by DreamerSupreme 28 Jun 2003, 11:33 AM
the 'first I met' and 'subsequent' every verse makes this look a bit like a list rather than something more cohesive.

gnome and dome seems a little contrived

yoda and pepsi cola is funny and modern and nice touch to end every verse with a none rhyme having rhymed through the verse. It kind of asks a question of what is coming next.
on The Shoulder War by Kitch 28 Jun 2003, 11:27 AM
first verse you mention 'you dried them' I know you mean tears but having to think about it ruins the rhythm.

the rest of the first verse is quite sweet

I wouldn't bother with the jelly and belly rhyme in the third
on The Park Bench by Mr Pig 25 Jun 2003, 11:42 AM
the aquarius and not interested rhyme rushes the poem along well

i think you use very quiete rhymes which gives this a gentle quality

not as much vivid imagery as in your other memory poems though
on Pilgrimage by Christof 24 Jun 2003, 1:34 PM
excellent flow

nothing that really grabs me though, it was over so fast
on The Dry Wash by Kitch 24 Jun 2003, 1:32 PM
quite good

im not sure the two verses necessarily hang

like a landscape painting really, which is difficult to express in poems ask bob dylan
on Maman: Psychic Tophet by SupremeDreamer 24 Jun 2003, 1:28 PM
yes this needs much shortening,

the twists for me are the creative uses of language in between the babble

but there is lots of good stuff
on Tomorrow by Quarton 24 Jun 2003, 1:23 PM
dont use .... you are supposed to use language to achieve such an effect

i think the scope of this is too great for such a short poem too
on where once by daniella 22 Jun 2003, 6:43 AM
quite interesting, similar style to 'the force that through the green fuse drives the flower' by dylan thomas.

causing a certain feeling of rush of change of uncertainty
on sink by daniella 22 Jun 2003, 6:39 AM
yes nice little rhyme and insight
on Fusion by Kitch 22 Jun 2003, 6:36 AM
first two lines of second verse are good

a few cliches in the first verse though
on Full another terrific love ballad by John K.Y. by Bachus 19 Jun 2003, 10:14 AM
i don't like being savage about people so i will simply register my agreeance with bachus
on Hot Potato by Shardik 19 Jun 2003, 10:11 AM
yes, best way
they'll all kill eachother in the end
on The truths of war by DeadtotheWorld 19 Jun 2003, 10:09 AM
language perhaps loses its own power as it is phrased in 'anarchy movement' terms.

I think the best types of these poems are perhaps a bit more subversive
on To What Ends by daniella 19 Jun 2003, 10:06 AM
this flows very well, like a story really
on A meeting at Maverick, then dinner. by <{Baba^Yaga}> 18 Jun 2003, 12:57 PM
i didn't read the content

the rhyme and random words i read were quite good though

and i like the spirit of haiku
replying on once again by John by <{Baba^Yaga}> 18 Jun 2003, 12:55 PM
dark angel is so much better at railing against this kind of thing

i didn't laugh at poop maybe i'm getting old
on It's funny by Dangzter 17 Jun 2003, 11:10 AM
a fairly standard structure but i enjoyes this

try to lose mentioning a 50 yr old man twice
on Lycanthropes and L-dopamine by horus8 17 Jun 2003, 10:54 AM
lycanthropic being wierwolf

i'm glad i realised