on Licking An Ashtray by Blindpoetry
7 Sep 2004, 9:26 AM
Loved it despite or perhaps because of the many typos. Expecially the depth and the styling, but the ending was the best part. A real plot twist, but so obvious when you think of the character's first thoughts. Plus the fact that its all thoughts, although I think the last line should have been "". -10- for a splendid poem.
on Leaving and Coming by Spindle
7 Sep 2004, 9:18 AM
Ryhme Scheme? a-b-a-b a-b-c-b a-b-c-d? What are you thinking? Details? Him, Them, gonna be great, what the hell? Add some. Potential is there just really sloppy writing. This isn't one of those poems that was ment to be so crypticly vague that even the writer won't know what its about after a week or two is it?
-3- for now. Rewrite, Rewrite, and Rewrite. Your words and depth will only get better because of it.
<3 Jason
-3- for now. Rewrite, Rewrite, and Rewrite. Your words and depth will only get better because of it.
<3 Jason
on Mourning Sickness by Pervy Elf
7 Sep 2004, 9:10 AM
You need to either pick up the ryhme scheme, not bother with one at all, and change the type from free verse to pimple. -1- because it starts off like it has depth and quickly realizes that it doesn't want to share it. What Words? Who Hung up on you? Things like that are kinda important. Show me why you care at all that they hung. Your words are far to vague and underdeveloped as this piece stands. Rewrite it, like you mean it for god's sake. Put some passion behind your wording, turn a phrase or two, like a poet is meant to or label it correctly as a pimple so that you don't come off as a total putz when real poets or even just anyone whose read a real poem, read your scrawlings.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on Perversions 8: The Reckoning by razorgrin
25 Aug 2004, 11:24 PM
Docking, the next Perversions needs to include docking!
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
replying on Of Gifts by thepinkbunnyofdoom
25 Aug 2004, 11:15 PM
Thanks, random writing on the spot while ripped as fuck, waiting for my best friend's wife to get out of labor.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
replying on Guilt Trip by thepinkbunnyofdoom
25 Aug 2004, 11:12 PM
Not the rating of my work, my rating of the works of others at this particular site. On average I'd say I was in the overly 7-9 voting range.
<3 is a heart, meaning heart Jason = emo kid wishing you the best. And I've been top 10 in pimple since it became a option for poem type. God is a Lady, Speaking my Mind Brilliant Idea, and few others have had their fair share of time in the top ten slot.
<3 is a heart, meaning heart Jason = emo kid wishing you the best. And I've been top 10 in pimple since it became a option for poem type. God is a Lady, Speaking my Mind Brilliant Idea, and few others have had their fair share of time in the top ten slot.
replying on Guilt Trip by thepinkbunnyofdoom
23 Aug 2004, 2:02 PM
If I gave you a zero its because I thought it was absolutely devoid of any original thought, lacking strong writing, and horridly boring. No offence but have you ever looked at my voting status? The ratio is dreadfully top heavey. I'm glad you can see past being petty and spiteful but I voted as I have always voted. How I thought it was merited.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
replying on a Waste of Space by thepinkbunnyofdoom
30 Jun 2004, 2:20 PM
Show me a better Meta Poem. Just one. Then, say its "as good as most of what's come down lately". Either your stating that have no basis what so ever by which you judge the writings of others, thus making everything eqaul and the same or, that everything "coming down lately" is as thought provoking or entralling, this is to say the least almost impossible to anyone other than a 6 year old, which would merely prove that once again, you have no basis by which to judge writing what so ever.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
replying on a Waste of Space by thepinkbunnyofdoom
30 Jun 2004, 2:12 PM
I'm glad you saw enough artist value to my words to be inspired to paint with them. What could make an artist more proud than to inspire his or her peers. Oh and pop-tarded, if you'll check with the fine people at Kellog's, as been a word since 1968, invented by a young President Bush Sr.'s grandmother, when describing what not to do with an infant(apparently he wasn't paying much attention at the time), her false teeth fell out but the senile old bat rabbling on. Pop Tards Founder and CEO, Eric Dick, Marketed his generic brand, of another modern day toastable breakfast, until cicra 1974, when his wife Exposed him to the IRS for Tax Fraud and the Michigan based company went bankrupt.
Good Day!
Good Day!
replying on West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco
17 Jun 2004, 10:17 PM
Ah... Beautiful but this needs more of a longing tone for the dream that is California. I've never been there but my father is a sailor guy, so I've traveled alot, this has potential, but it doesn't really give me that kinda longing.
on West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco
17 Jun 2004, 7:12 PM
Next time you choose an incredible place not to go, try and make it little more map dot as it were. Way more could be said about California. I'll leave it at that.
on Bankruptcy by INTRANSIT
17 Jun 2004, 7:07 PM
So much said, so few words word.
replying on The Freemasons by Bachus
17 Jun 2004, 5:10 PM
You'd think, but once you put it down, its really hard to pick back up again. I'm not one for spending an entire day reading a novel, and its one of those books you have to straight read cover to finish. I don't think I'll be buying the "De Vinci Code" but yeah... Angels and Demons covers a good deal of information dealing with the Freemasons and Illuminati through well documented sources and tra...la...la... that sorta thing.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on The Freemasons by Bachus
17 Jun 2004, 12:54 PM
Ow! Ow! Do the Illuminati Next!!! Or C.E.R.N., Inventing the Internet. At least get into the Wonderous decussion of Peak Oil?! Anti-matter!?! Bio-Organics perhaps? Or anything Else Mentioned In "ANGELS AND DEMONS" by Dan Brown.
replying on Of Painting by thepinkbunnyofdoom
10 Jun 2004, 1:09 PM
Thats the most beautiful part about it. childish and ineffective, thats the best description of my writing style to date.
Thanks :)
<3 Jason
Thanks :)
<3 Jason
on The daisy-chain girl by richa
10 Jun 2004, 11:13 AM
Wow, vague with a great sense of inner wisdom being displayed, but I still feel as though I missed it. I love the slothful line 'shake the low branches
on am i on speaker phone? good~ by peaceseeker
24 May 2004, 10:54 AM
too personal without any true depth. Just Emoting, and not even very strongly. Nice imagery but it feels like its coming from nowhere only to end up going nowhere. No suggestions, because I'm not really sure how you could make this better.
on The Virgin by cleverdevice
24 May 2004, 1:12 AM
A master piece to be hung with next to a cheap reprint altered in photo shop of that one painting... by that guy... but anyway, genius. I love it. It gave me the shniggles.
on Don't Say You Understand by cuddlytiger17
23 May 2004, 9:20 PM
Until he discerns what itâs like to become a "woman"
In such a deranged way
Lose that, and EVER AGAIN!
Read it without them, your words strike a broader range, and still say exactly what you wanted them to. Perhaps another forceful ending would be better, but that really depends on your personal taste.
In such a deranged way
Lose that, and EVER AGAIN!
Read it without them, your words strike a broader range, and still say exactly what you wanted them to. Perhaps another forceful ending would be better, but that really depends on your personal taste.