replying on Reincarnation by Dovina
18 Apr 2005, 11:07 AM
If you were hindu, you could have gotten off with the easy answer of Karma/Dharma.
on Swans by Alizarin_Crimson
18 Apr 2005, 10:34 AM
The car alarm screaming more, more, more, is a bit of a what the fuck, but I was enjoying it for the most part. Random Fact: Swans are vicious fighters(Bloody and to the death).
on Bad grammar and spelling mistakes by Damien
18 Apr 2005, 10:25 AM
Excellent control, and the title fits the body well. -8-.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
replying on Trying to get signed? by Damien
18 Apr 2005, 10:12 AM
You are welcome.
replying on 15 Minute poem by Damien
18 Apr 2005, 10:08 AM
I'm not one of the sticklers for "grammar", but it is an important aspect of writing.
replying on 15 Minute poem by Damien
18 Apr 2005, 10:03 AM
If by attacking you mean, giving an honest and somewhat tactful opinion, I'm known for that. Everyone is egotistic(especially me). The difference between a street preformer and a concert musician is practice, and audience. With practice and editing, I think you might be a decent read.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
replying on Half a dozen by thepinkbunnyofdoom
18 Apr 2005, 9:49 AM
Yeah, silly little high school poems.
on Thanks again by Everyone
16 Apr 2005, 9:45 AM
A five line poem, syllable structure 2 (1st line), 4 (2nd), 6 (3rd), 8 (4th), 2 (5th). The last two syllables should both be stressed and nouns and verbs should feature more promiently than adjectives and adverbs.
And I remember seeing that very comment just a day or two ago. Way to go with the shaping of minds there. Very telling.
<3 Jason
And I remember seeing that very comment just a day or two ago. Way to go with the shaping of minds there. Very telling.
<3 Jason
on Dancing by not_a_philosopher
15 Apr 2005, 10:19 AM
Looks like a textbook example from chem. 101, and almost as boring. "(kicking him in the balls)" is the only saving grace. -6-
on a conversation by crooked_smile
15 Apr 2005, 10:11 AM
Bravo. Could do with another proof read, but still good stuff in my book. Pun not intended. -9-
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on Looking Over the Blueprints by somemorepoetry
15 Apr 2005, 10:04 AM
"Of every line, every anlge, every beam and bolt"
Angle perhaps?
Dovina's right, but I think there was some wonderful craftmanship here. I loved the Wife bit, but I think it's too easy to skip over the subtle comparison of how he was more exact with his work, than his love life.
<3 Jason
-10-
Angle perhaps?
Dovina's right, but I think there was some wonderful craftmanship here. I loved the Wife bit, but I think it's too easy to skip over the subtle comparison of how he was more exact with his work, than his love life.
<3 Jason
-10-
on believing by whispern_smoke_wisp
15 Apr 2005, 9:56 AM
Peter Pan Logic only works for children. -5-
on Spit Factor by [mojo]
15 Apr 2005, 9:49 AM
"What exactly would you say,
If for no reason at all
I spat full in your face?"
In every scenario, I'd return the favor, save the death one, because well, I'd be dead. I think the last verse needs rethought entirely. The ending left me sourly disappointed. I thought you'd quite a large nut sack, until the last two lines in which apparently you spunked like never before, and lost them.
-8-, but I think a rewrite of the entire last verse would make this better.
<3 Jason
If for no reason at all
I spat full in your face?"
In every scenario, I'd return the favor, save the death one, because well, I'd be dead. I think the last verse needs rethought entirely. The ending left me sourly disappointed. I thought you'd quite a large nut sack, until the last two lines in which apparently you spunked like never before, and lost them.
-8-, but I think a rewrite of the entire last verse would make this better.
<3 Jason
on The Incubation by oneglove
15 Apr 2005, 9:37 AM
Well wrote. The first two lines were my favorites.
on 15 Minute poem by Damien
15 Apr 2005, 9:33 AM
Ug! I feel like I've just read chapter two of a pretenious novel, written by a big fish from the pond, discovering that there are bigger and meaner fish shortly after finding his way into the lake. My vote is a -8-, just for "I'me". Otherwise, it'd be a five. I think you could develop a knack for writting, if instead of focusing on pissing off your worst critics, You instead tried to improve upon the whatever weakness they start attacking.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on Trying to get signed? by Damien
15 Apr 2005, 9:19 AM
I didn't like this. Maybe it's some of the grammer issues, or maybe it's just the underlying tone. I'm sure you've heard of something known as slam poetry, right? I think that's where you should have focused the energy that went into this. I do like the fighting spirit this displays however. Hold onto that, this place gets to be battleground over some of the dumbest reasons. I was most put off by the "stop if you are judging as you scum destroy". This is a ranking site. You will be judged. I can't honestly vote this higher than a 4. Because if a poem is a machine, then it's what it does for us that we are rating. This moved me little. The comments were actually more interesting.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on Beard my Homemade Negro Jesus (Improved! With AIDS!) by Everyone
15 Apr 2005, 12:54 AM
Sweet Jesus! The Best AIDS poem ever.
on Poets are dead! by Prince of Void
10 Apr 2005, 11:56 AM
"Drowned it to bed of nightmares" needs a comma, an article, or an adjective.
Otherwise, Amusing. -9-
Otherwise, Amusing. -9-
First off there is a reply button next on the right hand side of every comment, use it. Second, its not about what you feel anymore the second you hit the submit button is it? You are being told, very blunt and honestly, that no, it doesn't add to the "continuity and style". It makes what could have been some okay verse, better used as toliet paper than read.