on Send The Devil... by horus8
24 Oct 2005, 11:29 AM
it's good to read you again.
on Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco
26 Oct 2005, 10:06 AM
i like this.
on i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation
26 Oct 2005, 10:19 AM
the sounds in these first 5 stanzas are gorgeous!!
the last two stanzas don't pack the punch the first 5 do.
this is a weak simile:
til all they heard from me was silence
like a silent willow tree.
all in all, you weaken the poem when you resolve it. ood, that.
the last two stanzas don't pack the punch the first 5 do.
this is a weak simile:
til all they heard from me was silence
like a silent willow tree.
all in all, you weaken the poem when you resolve it. ood, that.
on when i make sculpture by ay deee
26 Oct 2005, 10:20 AM
excellent visuals here.
on Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones
9 Jan 2006, 10:44 AM
no need for apologiy.
i question the need for the stanza on footballers. i'm missing the relationship to the seasonality of the rest of it.
then again, maybe the january fog has got to me as well.
i question the need for the stanza on footballers. i'm missing the relationship to the seasonality of the rest of it.
then again, maybe the january fog has got to me as well.
on Duff firs, Nawal by zodiac
9 Jan 2006, 10:52 AM
i like it.
in english. and i like the way my ill-informed pronunciation makes it sound in arabic.
in english. and i like the way my ill-informed pronunciation makes it sound in arabic.
on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 8:01 AM
this is a great poem, RIch.
here's a great tool to start to find markets for your work:
http://www.duotrope.com/digest/index.asp
here's a great tool to start to find markets for your work:
http://www.duotrope.com/digest/index.asp
hi Cad,
this one feels like two poems, mostly because of the way you've rhymed the last 2 stanzas. I like the metaphors you use in the first half as well, but then you drop them when you go into love-mode. is there some way you can meld these disparate halves?
this one feels like two poems, mostly because of the way you've rhymed the last 2 stanzas. I like the metaphors you use in the first half as well, but then you drop them when you go into love-mode. is there some way you can meld these disparate halves?
on floss every day by digipoet
9 Jan 2006, 9:21 AM
imagine the follow-your-bliss existence you'd have if you could floss twice?
i likes it.
i likes it.
on Construction Lot (edit) by zodiac
9 Jan 2006, 10:58 AM
the wet trash can cross it but you cannot, do not.
in my heart twice in S1 does not seem intentional, and maybe should be an edit.
drop "just" from S3 L1; it's a filler word. nice linebreak at S3 L2
beautiful ending. love it that mirror sky subtextually tells me about the puddles, the melt in warming March.
in my heart twice in S1 does not seem intentional, and maybe should be an edit.
drop "just" from S3 L1; it's a filler word. nice linebreak at S3 L2
beautiful ending. love it that mirror sky subtextually tells me about the puddles, the melt in warming March.
on Oh Verrazano by Joe-joe
10 Jan 2006, 8:35 AM
there are some nice moments here. i especially enjy\oy the metaphor of the steel and iron as her dress.
i think that the rhyme you use distractst he reader. since it came first, i looked for the whole thing to have rhythm and rhyme, and was a little disappointed when it didn't hold throughout.
i think that the rhyme you use distractst he reader. since it came first, i looked for the whole thing to have rhythm and rhyme, and was a little disappointed when it didn't hold throughout.
on some deleted poem
10 Jan 2006, 8:39 AM
good solution to the set-up.
on Mittens by somemorepoetry
10 Jan 2006, 8:53 AM
when mittens turn, they fall? the title into the first line misleads me. i know what you are talking about, i just don't like the stretch.
on Sleep It All Away by somemorepoetry
10 Jan 2006, 8:55 AM
you say you just need a friend.
man, that's the worst place to be, ever. wrap her up in that blanket, why don't you.
man, that's the worst place to be, ever. wrap her up in that blanket, why don't you.
on After the Storm by somemorepoetry
10 Jan 2006, 8:58 AM
"And shoved in to rest in the silt from the north
Fields grown tired with potatoes."
really nice work, here.
Fields grown tired with potatoes."
really nice work, here.
on light [edited] by lmp
10 Jan 2006, 9:04 AM
still, it's not a complete image, even if it is a lovely one. the hard-ass in me wants a complete image from my haiku.
on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:14 AM
"She flips suddenly, too soon,
the child startles back "
the child flips, or the crab flips? I can't tell if the crab is/was alive/dead, and i want to know. clarifying this will clarify all.
i agree about the too, too solid flesh; i don't see it as solid at all.
that being said, this is a great moment. you dropped us right into it.
the child startles back "
the child flips, or the crab flips? I can't tell if the crab is/was alive/dead, and i want to know. clarifying this will clarify all.
i agree about the too, too solid flesh; i don't see it as solid at all.
that being said, this is a great moment. you dropped us right into it.
It is almost like a dream today,
because you are out of time, now. or at least that's the mood you set with the opening strophe.