on deluge by kawakurdi
14 Sep 2002, 2:20 AM
imho the alliteration is overdone ..... 4
on Love Till the End by swat472
14 Sep 2002, 2:22 AM
a bit greetings cardy .... heart's in almost the right place though , i think ..... 3
on America the Beautiful? by pink_punk_kisses87
14 Sep 2002, 2:12 AM
from my perspective it's killing the indians ... sorry , native americans .. that made part of the americas great .... 3
on america's promise by dylansong
14 Sep 2002, 2:03 AM
A Un painted park bench .... is this a typo or politically subtle ? and are people a pain to the promise or visa versa ? too staccato for me but i live outside the promise and only live with the threat ..... 4
on Satisfaction by Ojiboch
14 Sep 2002, 1:19 AM
when you get there there's no there there ( D Parker i think) the old human condition again ... 5
on some deleted poem
14 Sep 2002, 1:42 AM
this is too good for a comparison with male onanism to sound anything but trite and crass , also the loss of millions for every successful conception but i've just woken up and can't figure how to stake my masculine claim in the life process more gracefully ..... 6, also the love you do express seems pretty good to me :-)
on We visited the gay men on the veranda by Frass
14 Sep 2002, 1:54 AM
there's a lot of it about ; i'm surprised you were surprised . nice pome though ... no need to emphasise your non-gayness methinks ... 5
on When I look inside my heart by Engelbert Humpalot
8 Sep 2006, 8:02 AM
made me laugh i'm ashamed to admit ....
on don't touch me 2 by elderking
16 Sep 2006, 9:23 AM
the last line needs working on i think ..it does lighten the intensity but is that intentional? does she want to touch him? or was he way out of order?
on Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer
16 Sep 2006, 9:30 AM
maybe needs reworking? definitely a story worth the telling, but didn't flow for me... started off fizzing
on To be alive by nightowl
16 Sep 2006, 9:34 AM
nice thought, shame about the words
on Flea poem by Sing4Jesus!
16 Sep 2006, 9:41 AM
not good;either you really are fulla shit or are trying to overcome a strict christian upbringing, in which case respect, but it has all been done already...mainly in school toilets
on Morning Glory by moyah8
16 Sep 2006, 9:08 AM
mmhh...not good, but i like the idea of trailing of into a(prose)observation after being constrained by rhyme ... the lines could be condensed for better flow
on some deleted poem
16 Sep 2006, 9:14 AM
the eyes are problematic here, dreary and shut but canny and overbearing.... shows little empathy
on Upon meeting Mrs Gunn at the Butchers by Mr Pig
16 Sep 2006, 9:43 AM
curate's egg
on some deleted poem
20 Sep 2006, 3:19 PM
hi, i was well impressed by yr flow poem , totally right on but more like a straight definition and idea rather than an actual poem...this one is one of the very few that totally gripped me...thanx..keep-em-coming..(necessary juice jarred a bit and trivial spelling error caused a hiccup)
on some deleted poem
20 Sep 2006, 7:02 PM
starts off rocking and twists to sinister and disturbing scenes in what is possibly an exceedingly powerful and subtle poem ... or is it a creative writing project-excercise-thing ? if so it's still a lot of fun
on Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22
21 Sep 2006, 4:58 PM
..... and the best part by far so far imho