on end of the engagement by Mona Lisa
13 Dec 2005, 5:01 PM
feels like it's reaching further than it's grasped.
on some deleted poem
13 Dec 2005, 5:02 PM
I like the first two lines. And the blank spot. :)
If it wasn't really intentioned (hard to say), and the last few lines were more self-referential, I might like it more.
If it wasn't really intentioned (hard to say), and the last few lines were more self-referential, I might like it more.
on I Remember Thinking by BrandonW
13 Dec 2005, 5:04 PM
How in the hell did I get here?
What in the hell am I doing?
I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you!
How could I do this?
-- I don't like those lines. I'm thinking up to that point, the piece might be okay if it were a bit more breathless.
You pretty much completely lost me after that.
What in the hell am I doing?
I knew I shouldn't have gone to see you!
How could I do this?
-- I don't like those lines. I'm thinking up to that point, the piece might be okay if it were a bit more breathless.
You pretty much completely lost me after that.
on logan st. by FreeFormFixation
13 Dec 2005, 5:14 PM
crescendo?
pimentos?
cute, but doesn't make it for me.
pimentos?
cute, but doesn't make it for me.
on I saw Your Face Last Night by Dovina
13 Dec 2005, 5:07 PM
up to "waited for you to invade dreams" flowed well for me, though "I tasted you in mind" started the downfall for me, I suppose. The beginning really needs an ending to make it exceptional, to me, and it doesn't get there.
on some deleted poem
13 Dec 2005, 5:09 PM
The tense issues completely keep me out of this.
As for punctuation, I'm a fan of using it grammatically in a poem. Three comes closest, for me.
As for punctuation, I'm a fan of using it grammatically in a poem. Three comes closest, for me.
on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim
14 Dec 2005, 6:07 PM
last line's pretty funny.
on some deleted poem
14 Dec 2005, 6:08 PM
very odd.
on to move foward by ay deee
14 Dec 2005, 6:32 PM
s1 -- fun
s2 -- more fun
s3 -- simple, straightforward, but fitting
s4 -- too straightforward in seeming, to me, even though I'm completely not getting line 4; flow seems off, as well, somehow.
s5 -- also not quite fun enough (maybe if you cut 'but alas'). Hmm.
s2 -- more fun
s3 -- simple, straightforward, but fitting
s4 -- too straightforward in seeming, to me, even though I'm completely not getting line 4; flow seems off, as well, somehow.
s5 -- also not quite fun enough (maybe if you cut 'but alas'). Hmm.
on Hoi Polloi by INTRANSIT
26 Dec 2005, 5:45 PM
huh? :)
on some deleted poem
26 Dec 2005, 5:46 PM
cute, but doesn't manage to climb beyond that for me.
on real fright of going home by veggiegurl
26 Dec 2005, 5:48 PM
wow.
on Apocalypse has come to end by Prince of Void
26 Dec 2005, 5:50 PM
Makes me think of Bush.
on Broken Bird by Sisterwolf
26 Dec 2005, 5:52 PM
good pustule of a pimple.
on Train of Thought by Sisterwolf
26 Dec 2005, 6:13 PM
This has ome nice images, and a decent sentiment, but some of it is just too hackneyed. Punctuation would definitely help the reader follow what is written, but I don't know if that would really help the poem.
on First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before
21 Feb 2006, 2:28 PM
Dude.
You're alive!
I've been wondering what became of you. :) I'm glad you found your way back here. Now why is your email bouncing?
I think you picked a beautiful subject for the form--it really pounds it in. The flow is more awkward than I think it needs to be, and yeah--the spelling issues as noted.
You're alive!
I've been wondering what became of you. :) I'm glad you found your way back here. Now why is your email bouncing?
I think you picked a beautiful subject for the form--it really pounds it in. The flow is more awkward than I think it needs to be, and yeah--the spelling issues as noted.
funny, I didn't get "A" or "V" in letters of geese, but then pictured the rest of the poem about their dropped feathers.
hmm.