on test by zanzina
17 May 2006, 1:53 PM
Hmm. Very minimalist. ;)
on Innocence revisited by Caducus
4 Oct 2006, 5:42 PM
"A body yard from virginal" makes me think there has to either be a typo somewhere, or a missing word--I get some gist of it from context, but well, lots of different some gists.
very interesting, though. I really like the second stanza, and just want the first to cohere a little more for me.
very interesting, though. I really like the second stanza, and just want the first to cohere a little more for me.
on The toilet by The Eskimo King
4 Oct 2006, 5:43 PM
which he, who? eh.
on The Fox by cleverdevice
4 Oct 2006, 5:44 PM
cute. is it true, about foxes? The flow felt off here and there throughout, but it's cute anyway.
on suicide lost the plot by T'ien
4 Oct 2006, 5:46 PM
the rhymes feel too forced, cheapening anything you might want us to take seriously. flow feels off in a number of places as well.
on Bloody Sonner by The Eskimo King
4 Oct 2006, 5:47 PM
too rough in flow for me.
on Pressing Matters in the White House by cleverdevice
4 Oct 2006, 5:48 PM
cutesy, but the ragged rhythm/jumps drive me crazy
on Morning on Galapados by Mikius
4 Oct 2006, 5:49 PM
it feels like you're using the same words, repetition, in a way that's not building but cheapening. I think you have a nice solid image, but it's portrayed in a step-forward, step-backward manner in awkward chunks--for me.
on Grab Out For J. Christ! by Sing4Jesus!
4 Oct 2006, 5:50 PM
wow.
on Innocence lost by deadstar
4 Oct 2006, 5:50 PM
ow.
on Octubre 1992 by The Eskimo King
4 Oct 2006, 5:53 PM
no habla. :/
Babelfish gives me: ""Heart Rests" Duer to me heart becomes cloudy the sky the storm will make more fort rain the reason will take care of your dream so that the doubt does not do damage to you. It rests in the bed of the illusion dressed in savannahs of the hope pillows of pleasing memories and by blanket your anxieties. It dreams about the shining sun the serenity of that sea in calm the fresh breeze of the dusk and the romantic Full Moon. Fleet in the apparent dark of one night without stars that your beats plot the course towards those sublime and beside the point beautiful things."
To which I say... hmm. Some pretty words?
I'm an ignorant American.
Babelfish gives me: ""Heart Rests" Duer to me heart becomes cloudy the sky the storm will make more fort rain the reason will take care of your dream so that the doubt does not do damage to you. It rests in the bed of the illusion dressed in savannahs of the hope pillows of pleasing memories and by blanket your anxieties. It dreams about the shining sun the serenity of that sea in calm the fresh breeze of the dusk and the romantic Full Moon. Fleet in the apparent dark of one night without stars that your beats plot the course towards those sublime and beside the point beautiful things."
To which I say... hmm. Some pretty words?
I'm an ignorant American.
on School. by cleverdevice
4 Oct 2006, 5:54 PM
eh.
on The Gunfighter by deadstar
4 Oct 2006, 5:55 PM
eh
on Ode to the unwanted chip by deadstar
4 Oct 2006, 5:56 PM
funny.
on Shark by cleverdevice
4 Oct 2006, 5:57 PM
I think you should split "My body rises and dives / UP DOWN UP DOWN UP DOWN" into "My body rises / UP UP UP / and dives / DOWN DOWN DOWN"
I actually ... this is funny, and not annoying.
I actually ... this is funny, and not annoying.
on Flamin Monkey's by Blade
4 Oct 2006, 5:59 PM
's is a _possessive_, except in the case of "it's".
You slay me.
cute, ish.
You slay me.
cute, ish.
on A Little Life by Tom Colebrooke
4 Oct 2006, 6:02 PM
fly's <-- flies
cann't <-- can't
cute poem, but in something so small the little problems really are mountains. flow/rhythm/etc are off and the rhymes feel forced. :/
cann't <-- can't
cute poem, but in something so small the little problems really are mountains. flow/rhythm/etc are off and the rhymes feel forced. :/