on Weather poem part 5: the cold dusk by nypoet22
4 Oct 2006, 6:26 PM
I disagree on the "Everyone cries gently". Some people cry only violently. Same with laughter. It can be frightening.
Doesn't feel forced, which is nice, but does feel trite, to me.
Doesn't feel forced, which is nice, but does feel trite, to me.
on Hazy days by cleverdevice
4 Oct 2006, 6:04 PM
who's <-- whose
who's means "who is", as in "who's going to fix that?"
who's means "who is", as in "who's going to fix that?"
on Dead Poets' Society (Joke) by Yardbird
4 Oct 2006, 6:07 PM
who's <- whose!
cute joke, though. I think I've heard it?
cute joke, though. I think I've heard it?
on Pity me. by cleverdevice
4 Oct 2006, 6:07 PM
Okay, you got a laugh out of me. Thanks. :)
on I've thought a lot by MacFrantic
4 Oct 2006, 6:13 PM
odd. interesting. oddly convoluted in manner, which doesn't seem to suit the piece (except by way of example, but generally it's best not to give so strong an example of self-reference with something negative).
on Weather Poem part 4: Cleaning Day by nypoet22
4 Oct 2006, 6:14 PM
cute. liking this.
on some deleted poem
4 Oct 2006, 6:15 PM
I don't have the concentration for it at the moment, but it's quirky/interesting...
on Peter by Wakeboarder20
4 Oct 2006, 6:16 PM
hmm... huh?
on some deleted poem
4 Oct 2006, 6:20 PM
works well as death metal, perhaps. the words/phrases themselves seem too commonly/obviously put together.
on May Sinners Rot In Fucking Hell! by Sing4Jesus!
4 Oct 2006, 6:17 PM
funny :)
on some deleted poem
4 Oct 2006, 6:19 PM
the dripping isn't... quite... there... for me, though this is of the sort of thing I like. I think the first stanza is significantly stronger than the rest. :/
on some deleted poem
4 Oct 2006, 6:31 PM
I like this =)
on Untitled by PunkyPanda
4 Oct 2006, 6:32 PM
meh.
on Advent by Nicholas Jones
15 Feb 2007, 5:48 PM
I second the howl's bow'ls.
Somewhat interesting, but not enough, and the flow, well, yeah.
You call this happy? I was ready to berate fluffy bunnies...
Somewhat interesting, but not enough, and the flow, well, yeah.
You call this happy? I was ready to berate fluffy bunnies...
on The blankness of his life by Nicholas Jones
15 Feb 2007, 5:55 PM
Is it the extremities or intremities you're seeking with this poem? ((hey, you complained you hadn't gotten insults, right?))
The blankness of his masturbation--fine, but why record it?
Though I do sympathise with the feeling (am I leaving myself too open, here?) - this poem does not epitomize them in any good way.
The second stanza's better than the first, but still uninteresting. Tell me something in a novel way (and I don't mean prose, and I don't mean rot13...) slip me the suggestion, the meaning, without my realising what you've said until I'm looking at the blade in my heart.
The blankness of his masturbation--fine, but why record it?
Though I do sympathise with the feeling (am I leaving myself too open, here?) - this poem does not epitomize them in any good way.
The second stanza's better than the first, but still uninteresting. Tell me something in a novel way (and I don't mean prose, and I don't mean rot13...) slip me the suggestion, the meaning, without my realising what you've said until I'm looking at the blade in my heart.
on The Mountain by Nicholas Jones
15 Feb 2007, 6:01 PM
ending, now--that's the end of the poem, there. you've told us too much, and we don't care. Start elsewhere, make us feel things are ending. yeah, way too much tell throughout.
Start at "Fuck", and you've got something better. Well, until you get to "So we moved on".
still, you might have something here, in the back of your head, to convey. Just not conveyed in the poem.
Start at "Fuck", and you've got something better. Well, until you get to "So we moved on".
still, you might have something here, in the back of your head, to convey. Just not conveyed in the poem.
on The meaning of Love by The Slender Blade
31 Jan 2007, 8:23 PM
Wow. That really hurts. Well done?
Are you killing yourself? If not, what have you done to mend the shredded remains of a treasured friend? At least, the way you've phrased it, you're implying you've done something _towards_ mending things.