on genious by the_poetess
9 Mar 2005, 1:53 PM
While it's a sentiment that wouldn't hurt to cram into a daily "why am I?" session, this talked about the situation from outside of it too much; make me feel how this thought applies directly to your life--grip me with context, colors, sights, smells, tastes...
on Striking minds by celticskatermatt1
9 Mar 2005, 1:57 PM
"Blow the man down, bullies, blow the man down;
Way ay - blow the man down,
O Blow the man down in Liverpool town.
Give me some time to blow the man down. "
Sorry, doesn't work for me.
Way ay - blow the man down,
O Blow the man down in Liverpool town.
Give me some time to blow the man down. "
Sorry, doesn't work for me.
on Snow Sucks by JoyLuck
9 Mar 2005, 2:49 PM
I like the waves, but I don't really see it as snow, sucking or otherwise.
Cute, but not a pipe.
Cute, but not a pipe.
on some deleted poem
9 Mar 2005, 2:51 PM
A lot of things there you say are true that I could argue with. I suppose you don't miss me, then.
forced rhymes and erratic rhythm are painful to me.
forced rhymes and erratic rhythm are painful to me.
on Today, last year was on a Sunday by thepinkbunnyofdoom
9 Mar 2005, 2:55 PM
cute. the beginning was a bit commonplace, and the middle dragged; the ending then felt rushed. I suppose the main complaint is that this is a laundry list, and those are nearly impossible to give substance too, even when this is entirely a story as well. I think you rely too much on the form, here.
on A Nation by the_poetess
9 Mar 2005, 3:03 PM
Definitely one of your better posts; I'd cut it after "Vesuvius". I think it would be rather good if you cut it after "Vesuvius", actually. :)
on To those that would teach poetry by INTRANSIT
10 Mar 2005, 10:21 AM
It's->Its (confused me first read)
Interesting, though.
Not gelling for me.
Interesting, though.
Not gelling for me.
on some deleted poem
14 Apr 2005, 10:17 AM
Very sweet.
on dit da haiku by nentwined
15 May 2005, 4:18 PM
Had to get this one in for posterity, off the end of the lsat one. I'm sure someone will forgive me. Well, maybe...?
on Hopeless shelter by little_big_nose
24 May 2005, 6:55 PM
pimple, though could work as cheap death metal lyrics, perhaps. Has a nice, swift flow.
on Eating My Soul by little_big_nose
24 May 2005, 6:55 PM
no thanks.
on some deleted poem
24 May 2005, 6:52 PM
cute idea; doesn't work as a poem for me. You could probably get this published somewhere, regardless.
on Where was god? by little_big_nose
24 May 2005, 6:52 PM
pimple :/
on To Step Aside And See You Smile by LovingWhispers
24 May 2005, 6:53 PM
dense, hasn't really said anything by the sixth line that makes me want to read on...
on Just a perfect day (Haiku) by ingwa
24 May 2005, 4:27 PM
doesn't work for me. I get the concept, but the flow stumbles.
on Rock of the Earth by ingwa
24 May 2005, 4:28 PM
"gone by" repetition hurts; I lose the rhythm in "Let me know your experience", and there's not much non-generic to pull my interest fuerther.
on Never Ending Cycle by ingwa
24 May 2005, 4:33 PM
toped->topped, I presume?
surfers -> surfer's, maybe
swimmers -> swimmer's, definitely
still frame -> still-frame
...
I think you might have an elegant image here, between the shredded lines. Still, it's somewhat generic; hard to rub a pearl out of it.
surfers -> surfer's, maybe
swimmers -> swimmer's, definitely
still frame -> still-frame
...
I think you might have an elegant image here, between the shredded lines. Still, it's somewhat generic; hard to rub a pearl out of it.
on A stitch by EAger to Offend
24 May 2005, 6:57 PM
uses a few too many words, or perhaps the words it uses just aren't as effective as they could be. Simple statement, which in this case I think is good, but doesn't work for me. The horrible pop song reference in particular... Hmm. Make me _feel_ these things, describe them instead of name them, perhaps.