awfully preachy. over-described.

double meh.

odd. I think better than a lot of your stuff simply through obfuscation and length.

a little less pretension could help this.

please, please, please learn how to pluralize words and what apostrophes are for!

flow is awkward, concept overdone without anything to really sell it. why free verse with random line breaks when you go to such trouble to rhyme every "sentence"?

a rambling rant, awkward flow, nothing new. try painting the picture of the person and situation that is causing these words to spew forth. make us feel the words instead of just throwing them out.

asstasstic.

bonus points for the form of ass, and paradox, and continuity.

hello again. :)

While this has some words I truly love, they don't seem particularly poignant in their usage. This is a poem of cliches (every line!?), and while I have to hope that was the point, I'm missing any deeper meaning.

that's about all there is to be said for that.

Head hurts, yes. Can't quite follow every line. Yet I like it greatly. I think I've got a measure of the whole of it. No suggestions on where I fall. Something to be read and re-read.

I'm afraid I can't tell what you're saying here.

This I like.

congratulations. first 0 I've read in some time. :)

I see.

This needs more development for me. I want to experience vicariously the depths of ennui.

too "stated" for me.

oy.

yes. almost very yes. cadence s2 is off, for me. the image s1 (making the tigers drink from you?) is stranger than the rest. Though ... I see it. But it's still far stranger than the rest. Why must she have seen you weep? How she's acting must be derived from that, or just because she couldn't have missed it? s4 has pretty lines, but they don't gel for me. cadence off a bit as well. Where the piece runs to is beauty (dead as dead can be a bit flat itself, but works).

cute last line with the setup. weak setup.