Comments bynentwined, 641–660 back. Include replies

I don't understand the "shape" of this poem. A slide? A method of distancing?

Ignoring the shape, I like the simplicity of statement. The rhythm is really strange, but it works.
on Sight by monotype 30 Sep 2002, 2:26 PM
beautiful.
on Spanish fLie by flatliner 23 Sep 2002, 5:10 PM
babelfish says:

If you say to me that you love I to me that it is not the truth. When you say to me that you hate I to me that you have found your heart. If you cry when you sing I to me that it is not the truth. If (ay olvideras) time me but no longer (ay) long time. We looked for the way to live by the day and if we were, it is in error. Everything that step, us (olvidera), and, I that it is not the truth.

I have no spanish. :)
on First, you gotta bend over.. by Bachus 22 Sep 2002, 12:06 PM
actually, nothing was showing up in "recent" unless you edited the piece -- a side effect of my "plagiarism" patch. That has since been fixed.
on BoatFuckerPoetandKnowit by bigbigdog 20 Sep 2002, 12:51 PM
I'm going to have to say that just changing "into the ocean" to "sucking cock" is not enough.
This actually has (in my mind) significantly different meaning that the original. I don't approve given the context of what you've already copied and how you've copied it, but I think this is valid. [yeah, like you fucking care, right?]
on Gone Away by Christof 18 Sep 2002, 3:55 AM
very nice. :)

It warms my heart that you've found poemranker to be helpful. :) I really should make the "editing" system a little more of a system, though. versioning or something. bleah.
on some deleted poem 18 Sep 2002, 3:56 AM
I don't get it.
on dps by decadentlaurel 16 Sep 2002, 11:23 PM
I don't understand how "i to look away again" fits in. I don't know what exactly you've changed, but my only stumbling block at the moment is "i to look away again"
on dps 2 - new ver. by decadentlaurel 16 Sep 2002, 11:24 PM
I've grown fond of version one; this one doesn't appeal to me so much.
on first words by decadentlaurel 16 Sep 2002, 11:25 PM
a sad/sweet sentiment. I couldn't get into the reading of it, however.
on some deleted poem 16 Sep 2002, 1:34 AM
the first bit describing the morning is niftily done, but doesn't really say anything. The second bit tries to say something but the two bits don't mix well for me.
on some deleted poem 11 Sep 2002, 9:07 PM
umm. hmm.

keep trying? :) and do try to take the time. that should be the easiest part, to spend more time on it.
on A missing puzzle piece. by trev086 11 Sep 2002, 8:58 PM
this is painful, but not for the reason you want it to be.
on Proud to be black by girl 11 Sep 2002, 9:01 PM
beningly -> benignly

didain -> disdain

plea is not a verb. plead, perhaps? or "give plea" (stretching it)?

smmoth -> smooth

I'm glad you're proud, but it would do the sentiment a lot if you could put the poem into less of a halting collection of vaguely rhyming fragments.
on Swirls of light... by DevilTmptrss 11 Sep 2002, 9:02 PM
erm. some work on punctuation and flow would help this; it seems to fall into a rut with the rhythm, and then falter even from that.
on quickie by <~> 19 Sep 2002, 11:38 PM
rarr! =)
yeehaw =)
on dps by decadentlaurel 16 Sep 2002, 12:23 AM
This is cute; I like the toss of "Oh captain, my captain" into the mix. The poem as a whole has a good flow/feel to it.
on some deleted poem 11 Sep 2002, 9:01 PM
I want this poem to end!