Comments bynentwined, 701–720 back. Include replies

on BEAKBOY, A Tale Of Suffering by beakism 8 Sep 2002, 12:55 PM
this is hilarious and well done. :)
on My cousin's baby sitter. by Bachus 9 Sep 2002, 5:26 PM
not really haikus. haikus "need" two contrasting images.
almost amazing.
on The Flame of My Country by sylbaryn 9 Sep 2002, 7:18 PM
I stumbled through the reading of this, both due to its (overly?) cryptic nature, and that I couldn't really find a flow in it. Especially "The book is a guide/ But the ring is music from design". And are the stars crying out for pain or from pain? or is it not the stars' pain... hmm... like I said, cryptic. And a bit confusing. :)
on some deleted poem 9 Sep 2002, 7:19 PM
my god. this is hilarious and ... I hate to say this, but... well put. Hmm. I'd publish this, personally. :) Maybe I've just been staring at the screen too long...
on some deleted poem 9 Sep 2002, 7:20 PM
hmm. a bit overwrought. "bitten away by mad frozen dogs too cold to bark" did it in for me. overall well done, though...
on some deleted poem 7 Sep 2002, 11:47 PM
the flow of the poem could use a lot of work, as well as the imagery. agreement with the show/don't tell comment... though honestly I could see this as a top ten country song (I don't like country).
on birds by pjenkins 7 Sep 2002, 11:47 PM
cute. flow could use some work.
on The Seasons, Changes by Frass 5 Sep 2002, 10:37 PM
I can attest -- their ips look nothing alike. but whatever. people believe what they like, and even the best things in life can be faked. ;) (sorry this is offtopic)
on some deleted poem 2 Sep 2002, 1:26 PM
very cute. thanks for keeping it on the level. ;)
on Good Bye by josh_5o 22 Aug 2002, 12:59 PM
doesn't scan well. helps a bit to drop up to "Too complicated". or even to "The most beautifully". still reads roughly, though.
on ode to bad taco meat by gay 22 Aug 2002, 1:56 PM
hmm. same ips as balthazar, zzinnia66, malvolio... don't see any correlation with da's ips, though. ?
on Death and the Non-Scanning Poem by tooniron 22 Aug 2002, 12:58 PM
cute.
on Dressed to Kill by DespondentDotCom 22 Aug 2002, 1:56 PM
I think I'm missing something with the middle line that ties the poem together. carter's stanley knife?
on Dark Lady by quantumenterprises 22 Aug 2002, 1:58 PM
choppy scansion. though I appreciate that it's to a beer. :) [temporal paradises that last eternal] is especially awkward.
on some deleted poem 22 Aug 2002, 1:59 PM
cute. stumbles in a few places, and couldn't follow the "thought" from one end to the other, but... cute.
I see. So basically you were anally raped? or is that a rocketship?
on Zanzibar by sunfloweronfire 24 Aug 2002, 4:01 PM
I didn't like the line "curious cranes" rhyming with "sweet sugar cane". and the self-reference was a bit much.
on A poem from the sky by Roisin 8 Sep 2002, 2:04 AM
poem rhythm/flow/cliche could use some work.
on some deleted poem 9 Sep 2002, 2:30 PM
interesting.