regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I swear I've thought those words before. I think you could do a little more with them, though...
Re: Breeze In Spring by Jody Conn	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
The rhythm on this really works for me. Not too monotonous, but very flowing. Maybe a little simple, but pretty.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
so I get you're transcribing; but... why would someone have you transcribe the echos of their pain? Perhaps if I knew more generally what you did. :)
Re: Concrete Wet Dreams In A Paper Sack by thelonefrobros	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
Ummmmmmmmm. ok....? I don't get it at all. Especially the giant sore on your eyebrow. How do the stanzas fit together?
Re: brown is the eat feminine deoderant gross and stuff mmm styrofoam right? by skaskowski	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I so totally can not make sense of the title. :) Hmm. Yep, really can't make sense out of the poem either. kinda silly, but not silly enough, and not sure if it's even meant to be (silly).
Re: Midnight Delight (a sexual sequal) by crims0ngh0st	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
hmm. trying to conceptualize how you've tied yourself. I've never considered self-bondage. This is a lot of words for a simple masturbation -- a lot of stuff is repeated that doesn't really need to be, I think (though any given part would have its own troupe of fetishists, I'm sure). Hmm. I think if it had more focus than simply masturbation, it would be a stronger poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
This reads a lot better (to me) chopped up this way. Hoep I wasn't jumping down your throat re: layout. Again really like the "little tit here a little tat there". I think perhaps some more punctuation would help the flow, add some more stoccato rhythm to it. :) But I like it better already. Yeah. :)
Re: Remembering Joy by ifni	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
Do I get to cheat and put the same comment? ;)
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
"data, feed me" jumps tense in a way that jars; I actually really like the poem without the first three lines.
Re: Navel Action by BadPoet	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
very cute, very shel silverstein :) I kinda hoped for some philosophy as well, but oh well. :)
Re: Purgatory of Consciousness by crims0ngh0st	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I like the stoccato ending of "me" on the last lines. Going back from that, "for the piercing complexities of understanding" reads too long as a line, and doesn't flow into the next bit -- some punctuation might help that. I really like "look too hard you might fall in ... My vast open mind" :)
Re: Death Alive by crims0ngh0st	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I'm not sure if it's the poem or the fact that I just woke up, but I've tried to read it through three times and I keep skipping down. It's definitely not holding my attention. I think a part of that is I really don't get what you're getting at -- I feel I could if I studied the poem, but the poem doesn't invite such -- mayeb a little more cohesion or a bit more bluntness or something would help
Re: Nyctophobia by crims0ngh0st	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
"Happiness floods over me" doesn't seem to quite say what I think you're wanting to say. Maybe "dark happiness", just to pound it in more, or... Not sure. I'd like to see more of why you fear the dark as opposed to that you are; what is wrong with having the power of the world, thoughtless currents, ...?
Re: Sleep Well by jriemerm	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
beautiful. I don't quite get the "dissolves like salt on your tongue", but I'm working on it. Some reference to a saying I don't get...? or just a complex idea? I like salt a lot. :) I *really especially* like "a snake whose dream has wrapped around yours" and "the world revolves beneath the sky, which revolves inside the mind"; "they can't wait [...] believe in it" seems a bit weak.
Re: Pleasurable Agony by crims0ngh0st	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
this has a rhythm that I really like, and the thought jumbles are excellent. It hiccoughs a little around "The pain and pleasure mingle as one"
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
curious/interesting. The "open wound" doesn't quite work for me. Nor does the specific reference to a gun, nor the "face stealers". I think they could either be more developed or dropped... they break the flow of it, for me. but it's very pretty, overall.
Re: eat a grape please by skaskowski	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
umm. hmm. I don't get it in the slightest. :( What's up with the marker? Burning copies of the games? Are you in? One more episode? ...
Re: The Final Hour by Modulo	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
:laff: I like the emoticon tossed into the haiku. Very postmodern or something. ;) :) This doesn't seem to be enough, though, for me...
Re: Cosmic Imbalance by Modulo	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
there more I think about it the more I like it. kudos! I especially love how it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever out of the context of this site. :)
regarding some deleted poem...	16-Mar-02/1:21 AM
I'd like some more rhythm to the poem... it reads, to me, as if I'm racing to find rhythm and then just hit the pavement at the end *thud*