on How it should have happened by INTRANSIT
19 Apr 2004, 10:39 PM
interesting. I don't think you've caught me with your flow, but I don't have any suggestions.
on an exit into limbo by libby_28
19 Apr 2004, 10:36 PM
This is just really bad.
over-lit, I think.
doesn't do enough for me, though it does seem to be a start, the more I ponder on it. I think undulating may be less descriptive of the jersey city night than befits its number of syllables. But I really don't have any suggestions--just my reaction.
doesn't do enough for me, though it does seem to be a start, the more I ponder on it. I think undulating may be less descriptive of the jersey city night than befits its number of syllables. But I really don't have any suggestions--just my reaction.
on THE BLESSING by Poetsettle
19 Apr 2004, 10:31 PM
it is not my heart speaks? or is it You speaks? I'm confused, but it seems either way it must be wrong. very confusing all around.
on The Return by doug_soderstrom
19 Apr 2004, 10:29 PM
actually kinda cute. reminds me of strongbad.
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined
19 Apr 2004, 6:19 PM
Well, if you've got the razor, you might as well use it. :)
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined
19 Apr 2004, 5:57 PM
cool beans. :)
I'm liking it more and more, myself.
I'm liking it more and more, myself.
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined
19 Apr 2004, 5:56 PM
Hmm. I think the whole poem avoids questions; it's meant to be a statement of unknowns that I attempt to fathom.
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined
19 Apr 2004, 5:19 PM
Still? No, I like that one.
The previous last line, the line after the current last line, was... "all else imagination.".
Tell me more.
Or are you just "what can be done?" in general? :)
The previous last line, the line after the current last line, was... "all else imagination.".
Tell me more.
Or are you just "what can be done?" in general? :)
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined
19 Apr 2004, 4:56 PM
Thanks. :) I worried about the last line before posting (wrote it (well, the whole poem), drunk, at a bar, several months ago).
replying on innocent voyeur by nentwined
19 Apr 2004, 4:50 PM
Done. how now? :)
on Let's Let the Flies In, Thomas by NanceXToo
19 Apr 2004, 4:10 PM
I agree with zodiac's comments here.
on Do You Like It by hotwire
19 Apr 2004, 1:42 AM
dr. seuss meets 2livecrew. Hmm.
your should be "you're" in the last line.
your should be "you're" in the last line.
must needs add spellcheckerthingamyisthing. :/
I like "bonsai'd mountains" but don't see how it really fits. I want that in a poem all its own.
I like the image and feeling overall, though.
Oddly, tumefying did not mean at all what I was guessing it would.