| Re: a comment on this is your poetry by nentwined |
23-Sep-03/7:23 AM |
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Hmm. I can't follow through the contradiction of people on poemranker following instructions. ;) Though perhaps it would become something worse. I'm not very good at such prognostication. And I think I'm too tired to be talking, as these big words are just falling out at random. Off to work...
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| Re: a comment on One Moment to the Other (v3) by nentwined |
23-Sep-03/7:21 AM |
can you believe the paucity of rhymes for memory? I tried and I tried and I tried and that's all I could think of. Then I found a rhyming dictionary and that's all *it* could think of, also. (mostly--it made up a few words, too).
thanks for the feedback. I will not give up. ;) :)
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| Re: a comment on this is your poetry by nentwined |
22-Sep-03/10:40 PM |
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| Re: a comment on this is your poetry by nentwined |
22-Sep-03/8:23 PM |
I'm not so advanced yet. But I shall work on it. :)
Often my attempts at (image rich) straight-forwardness become such stretched contrivances that they carry nothing. Any attempt at hidden gems would unceremoniously collapse such a makeshift structure.
Hmm. There should be a poem in that. ;)
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| Re: a comment on this is your poetry by nentwined |
22-Sep-03/7:05 PM |
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| Re: Junk by Bonehiss |
22-Sep-03/6:28 PM |
"and live in fear all the while" has stresses in the wrong places. "gotta learn to defend" is missing a syllable. and same with "all your junk 'til the end"--but that you can just make "until" and it's good to go. (btw, till is used in "to till a field"), the one you're wanting is the shortened form of "until". the apostrophe replaces the "un", and there's no need to add an l.
beyond that... nice, simple poem; with rhythm tweaks, I think this would be solid, and in any case is good to get out of the system. :)
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| Re: under my skin by bitter |
22-Sep-03/6:14 PM |
I think this could make a very interesting painting; you definitely got enough imagery there. I stumble for cadence on the second line.
If I had a 'personal favorites' section implemented, this would be added to it just for the picture I'm seeing. On the off chance that I'd try to paint it someday. meanwhile, I'll just make a note to myself on skwerms.org. :) 7, still, for its slight awkwardness, and I don't see it going over an 8, for content. odd, that.
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| Re: by jessicazee |
22-Sep-03/6:11 PM |
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| Re: a comment on killer boredom butterfly (psychedelic) by nentwined |
22-Sep-03/5:57 PM |
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You pull out a PLUM!! (I hope that's a plum. Tell me you didn't put them in your bum?)
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| Re: nentwined gets nasty by Johnnie Baptiste |
19-Sep-03/9:23 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Strung Out On Sunlight by J.B. Manning |
18-Sep-03/11:17 AM |
that was meant to be "couldn't", saying lack of a flow may have been created by sleep dep.
hmm. meth makes it make a lot more sense. odd, that.
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| Re: A Haiku Haiku by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? |
18-Sep-03/10:43 AM |
very interesting form. it took me a few to get what you'd done. actually, a few more than that, really. almost a minute or two of unrelated thoughts until it popped in (oh).
as for the content. cute, mostly amusing. 8 for ingenuity and the mostly amusing.
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| Re: on the edge of creation by nentwined |
18-Sep-03/7:40 AM |
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as a note, this is part of a "poem a day for 100 days" challenge. so if it's particularly lacking, that could be why. I'm posting the (probably 1/10 as things draw on) few that I think might have a chance at redemption.
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| Re: a comment on on the edge of creation by nentwined |
18-Sep-03/7:38 AM |
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thank you. I'm a big fond or parentheticals, and the /'s were "borrowed" from monsiour DeLacroix (they were bright and shiny and I could not resist!)
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| Re: The Sahu by Bachus |
17-Sep-03/6:30 PM |
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| Re: No place by skittles |
17-Sep-03/6:29 PM |
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definitely something to be put on the wall.
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| Re: The Khat by Bachus |
17-Sep-03/6:28 PM |
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very nice. 10. I'm wordless.
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| Re: a comment on reflexion - dayspring to dusk by DreamerSupreme |
17-Sep-03/6:26 PM |
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If your niece can understand the personification of 'dreamer', you should be proud.
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| Re: reflexion - dayspring to dusk by DreamerSupreme |
17-Sep-03/6:24 PM |
pullulating?
has a good tone/rhtyhm/feel. 8.
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| Re: lament and retrograde by Don-Quixote |
17-Sep-03/6:22 PM |
I like 'too proud to scrawl' (as elsewhere read), though then the wheelchair might need something to replace it.
interesting, though. :) 7.
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