Re: dps by decadentlaurel	16-Sep-02/12:23 AM
This is cute; I like the toss of "Oh captain, my captain" into the mix. The poem as a whole has a good flow/feel to it.
Re: a comment on In Vein by nentwined	12-Sep-02/11:40 AM
err, off by a month, wasn't I? 8, 9, what's the difference? fuck, and why won't I shut up? ARGH!
Re: a comment on In Vein by nentwined	12-Sep-02/11:39 AM
and happy birthday. :)
Re: a comment on In Vein by nentwined	12-Sep-02/11:38 AM
mind you, I don't always know the proper definitions of words I use, and sometimes it slips me up.
Re: a comment on In Vein by nentwined	12-Sep-02/11:37 AM
sorry. I actually do speak like this, but ... I understand your point. thanks for the thought. :)
Re: Swirls of light... by DevilTmptrss	11-Sep-02/9:02 PM
erm. some work on punctuation and flow would help this; it seems to fall into a rut with the rhythm, and then falter even from that.
Re: Proud to be black by girl	11-Sep-02/9:01 PM
beningly -> benignly didain -> disdain plea is not a verb. plead, perhaps? or "give plea" (stretching it)? smmoth -> smooth I'm glad you're proud, but it would do the sentiment a lot if you could put the poem into less of a halting collection of vaguely rhyming fragments.
Re: A missing puzzle piece. by trev086	11-Sep-02/8:58 PM
this is painful, but not for the reason you want it to be.
Re: Three Daughters by <~>	11-Sep-02/1:09 PM
dude! that's really fucking beautiful. I'm not one to read through a long poem, generally, but damn. :) thank you. Sure, it's a bit overdone, and there are a few awkward scanning bits, but it's really fucking well done. (I recommend you try to publish it somewhere... nfg.ca would probably take it...)
Re: want it by sontei	11-Sep-02/1:05 PM
"for every day of my life" doesn't scan right. and what's up with rhyming "arse" with "ass"?
Re: The ONE by Eline	11-Sep-02/1:03 PM
"beautiful" doesn't scan right. "And I stopped for none" doesn't scan right, either. your ending, "because you are the ONE" really hurts the piece, I think.
Re: Cow Do by http://David Bowman	11-Sep-02/1:00 PM
hilarious but wrong, oh so wrong. :)
Re: the rose by keatsImnot	11-Sep-02/12:58 PM
I hate roses. (suiters -> suitors). a decent poem, though.
Re: Seen from a train by aliena	11-Sep-02/12:57 PM
a nice ending to the poem. I really didn't like "The Unknown Infinity". s2 and s3 felt to me like they could use some work.
Re: La tasse de vie by keatsImnot	11-Sep-02/12:56 PM
short/naught? why the allcaps?
Re: Ethnic Smells by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	11-Sep-02/12:55 PM
Seus is always a favorite.
Re: Ode to Poem Ranker by Lenore	11-Sep-02/12:54 PM
aw, that's really sweet. :) shucks. :)
Re: Waiting for the Doctor by GAC	11-Sep-02/12:53 PM
decent if overly simplistic. the "age-ins" doesn't seem to go with the rest of the poem's presentation.
Re: What R U? by Sigh'ense...	11-Sep-02/12:50 PM
a good last stanza. everything else read a bit awkwardly; I think I'd like it as just the last.
Re: Jeff by OneFingerAnswer	11-Sep-02/12:49 PM
hmm?