on dps by decadentlaurel
16 Sep 2002, 12:23 AM
This is cute; I like the toss of "Oh captain, my captain" into the mix. The poem as a whole has a good flow/feel to it.
on Swirls of light... by DevilTmptrss
11 Sep 2002, 9:02 PM
erm. some work on punctuation and flow would help this; it seems to fall into a rut with the rhythm, and then falter even from that.
on Proud to be black by girl
11 Sep 2002, 9:01 PM
beningly -> benignly
didain -> disdain
plea is not a verb. plead, perhaps? or "give plea" (stretching it)?
smmoth -> smooth
I'm glad you're proud, but it would do the sentiment a lot if you could put the poem into less of a halting collection of vaguely rhyming fragments.
didain -> disdain
plea is not a verb. plead, perhaps? or "give plea" (stretching it)?
smmoth -> smooth
I'm glad you're proud, but it would do the sentiment a lot if you could put the poem into less of a halting collection of vaguely rhyming fragments.
on A missing puzzle piece. by trev086
11 Sep 2002, 8:58 PM
this is painful, but not for the reason you want it to be.
on Three Daughters by <~>
11 Sep 2002, 1:09 PM
dude! that's really fucking beautiful. I'm not one to read through a long poem, generally, but damn. :) thank you. Sure, it's a bit overdone, and there are a few awkward scanning bits, but it's really fucking well done. (I recommend you try to publish it somewhere... nfg.ca would probably take it...)
on Cow Do by http://David Bowman
11 Sep 2002, 1:00 PM
hilarious but wrong, oh so wrong. :)
on the rose by keatsImnot
11 Sep 2002, 12:58 PM
I hate roses. (suiters -> suitors).
a decent poem, though.
a decent poem, though.
on Seen from a train by aliena
11 Sep 2002, 12:57 PM
a nice ending to the poem. I really didn't like "The Unknown Infinity". s2 and s3 felt to me like they could use some work.
on La tasse de vie by keatsImnot
11 Sep 2002, 12:56 PM
short/naught?
why the allcaps?
why the allcaps?
on Ethnic Smells by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
11 Sep 2002, 12:55 PM
Seus is always a favorite.
on Ode to Poem Ranker by Lenore
11 Sep 2002, 12:54 PM
aw, that's really sweet. :) shucks. :)
on Waiting for the Doctor by GAC
11 Sep 2002, 12:53 PM
decent if overly simplistic.
the "age-ins" doesn't seem to go with the rest of the poem's presentation.
the "age-ins" doesn't seem to go with the rest of the poem's presentation.
on What R U? by Sigh'ense...
11 Sep 2002, 12:50 PM
a good last stanza. everything else read a bit awkwardly; I think I'd like it as just the last.
on Jeff by OneFingerAnswer
11 Sep 2002, 12:49 PM
hmm?