on Dream Samurai by Lifeboatman
5 Mar 2009, 9:54 PM
huh?
Hmm. Makes more sense when I notice the title--but I'm still lost with a plastic blue pipe.
Hmm. Makes more sense when I notice the title--but I'm still lost with a plastic blue pipe.
on harvest moon by Caducus
5 Mar 2009, 9:53 PM
"gnawed to origin and silica"? no grok.
I want more punctuation (elders' wrists? or?)
You've got some good stuff inter-woven, and I even see the thread--the thread seems solid; but I think you need to work on your stitching? a 7, but I think it could be a 9 or a 10.
I want more punctuation (elders' wrists? or?)
You've got some good stuff inter-woven, and I even see the thread--the thread seems solid; but I think you need to work on your stitching? a 7, but I think it could be a 9 or a 10.
replying on the only thing worse than living (revised, liberated) by Bill Z Bub
5 Mar 2009, 9:51 PM
I think the shift at the last is kind of necessary for where it's aiming, but agree it misses the mark.
Overall the thing's too random for me, but it has some good stuff going on.
Still, why the weird spacing? Am I missing something, or is that just how you were "grooving" at the time?
Overall the thing's too random for me, but it has some good stuff going on.
Still, why the weird spacing? Am I missing something, or is that just how you were "grooving" at the time?
on 2am and sober in the digital age by nentwined
5 Mar 2009, 9:49 PM
*sniff* not even a slam?
on the end of the world, c'est soir by Bill Z Bub
5 Mar 2009, 9:48 PM
hah, that's great. well, I mean, not Great, but I like what you did, sir, I do. I like what you did with that, and did not see it coming. Half-way through I was going to comment that I've written stuff far too similar to this (as part of a longer short-story), but I like what you did. :)
on The Project by malpaso
5 Mar 2009, 9:46 PM
I think I need the same drugs as you to feel this right. Still, better than a lot of crap that gets nailed to the wall.
replying on 9 Things to Eat for Breakfast & Why by A. Nomaly
5 Mar 2009, 9:45 PM
I think your reply one-upped (no, make that ten-upped) the poem.
on 9 Things to Eat for Breakfast & Why by A. Nomaly
5 Mar 2009, 9:44 PM
I read that as "51 lbs" black licorice and thought you really needed to lay off the meth. The rest... hmm. Doesn't really do anything for me.
on Gladly For Love by sliver
5 Mar 2009, 9:43 PM
forget about me. make your own tomorrow ;)
the desire you feel is probably better in your head than on paper (or consummated in other ways).
the desire you feel is probably better in your head than on paper (or consummated in other ways).
replying on Disillusioned & Confused by Sigh'ense...
5 Mar 2009, 9:41 PM
disregard "angsty", I guess--just noticed it's a pimple. You hit the mood spot on, there. ;)
on Disillusioned & Confused by Sigh'ense...
5 Mar 2009, 9:40 PM
angsty and doesn't scan well.
nit: "to many just" -> "too many just" (I think?)
I really like "the fetus of innocence is devoured by hypocritical jackals". I could do with that metaphor being developed further throughout. As it is, things feel scattershot. I'm not too into collage, visually or poetically.
nit: "to many just" -> "too many just" (I think?)
I really like "the fetus of innocence is devoured by hypocritical jackals". I could do with that metaphor being developed further throughout. As it is, things feel scattershot. I'm not too into collage, visually or poetically.
on Fewer And Further In Between by Sigh'ense...
5 Mar 2009, 9:38 PM
I'll admit, I don't have a clue what you're doing with this. 1*?
on prove me wrong by nentwined
5 Mar 2009, 9:36 PM
almost titled it "a moment's whine", but that seemed too easy. Almost binned it, but that's what the ranker's for, right? ;)
on the rugby cheer by malpaso
27 Feb 2009, 6:00 AM
eh.
on Graveyard(Cry of the Dead) by alvinb
27 Feb 2009, 5:59 AM
no.
no, no, no.
no.
This is the poetry you have to write and you also have to show nobody ever.
well, except us, because we like to yell.
no, no, no.
no.
This is the poetry you have to write and you also have to show nobody ever.
well, except us, because we like to yell.
on To my Moneta by Bill Z Bub
27 Feb 2009, 5:59 AM
awww. thasso sweet! :)
on One More, Then We Go by jessicazee
27 Feb 2009, 5:58 AM
doesn't cohere for me
on Spuna Vs. Turkeef by <{Baba^Yaga}>
27 Feb 2009, 5:58 AM
wtf? :)
funny.
you got funny.
funny.
you got funny.
on Prelude to Infidelity (edited) by Caducus
27 Feb 2009, 5:57 AM
just doesn't work for me; awkward from line to line, s to s. weird, overall, and I like that, but ... eh.
Second stanza has more promise, imo.