on Da Ghetto by <{Baba^Yaga}>
27 Jun 2008, 7:29 PM
ouch.
on The Lion and the worm. by <{Baba^Yaga}>
27 Jun 2008, 7:28 PM
...
strange. yes, strange.
strange. yes, strange.
on If you pimp me I'll stay Walter by Shardik
27 Jun 2008, 7:25 PM
ex-fix-i-ate pwnage.
oh, shardik.
oh, shardik.
on The Fog And The Androids by Shardik
27 Jun 2008, 7:24 PM
definitely lyric; and kind of fun. but not really interesting. I can imagine this set to music, though, and people singing along.
on Why I want to kill Opie by Bachus
27 Jun 2008, 7:23 PM
meh.
on The folded ways your eyes cave by Shardik
27 Jun 2008, 7:22 PM
Villanelles have definitely made me feel this way. Firefox doesn't know what a villanelle is. But it doesn't know what Firefox is, either, unless I capitalize it. I feel ... guided. 6 for fun.
on Falling Away by Holy Sinner
27 Jun 2008, 6:55 PM
it's -> its
two-by-fours (I think)
...
typical drifting away poem. some nice imagery--the poem could benefit by focusing on that and making it more coherent.
two-by-fours (I think)
...
typical drifting away poem. some nice imagery--the poem could benefit by focusing on that and making it more coherent.
replying on in this bus terminal of the future by nentwined
27 Jun 2008, 2:01 PM
can has moar blood? :)
VTOL is more just the direction of thrust; anti-grav I hope to be much more spectacular. :) FTL - faster than light (travel). Which teleportation generally qualifies as, but I was grasping. Glad it got a chuckle.
resumption of SEARCH?
VTOL is more just the direction of thrust; anti-grav I hope to be much more spectacular. :) FTL - faster than light (travel). Which teleportation generally qualifies as, but I was grasping. Glad it got a chuckle.
resumption of SEARCH?
on The Man Who Drooped by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
26 Jun 2008, 8:51 PM
classic.
on sperladnik by malpaso
26 Jun 2008, 8:44 PM
less drugs? different drugs? more drugs? I don't know! Aieeeeee!
on sperladnik: the sequel by malpaso
26 Jun 2008, 8:40 PM
funny, but not funny enough. :)
on Question by half.italian
26 Jun 2008, 8:38 PM
plausible.
on In desperate need by outoftouch
26 Jun 2008, 8:38 PM
"liking me for who it is I want to be." <-- an interesting line
"I need you like a fat kid needs cake," <-- less so, unless that's the feel you're going for throughout
"I need you like a fat kid needs cake," <-- less so, unless that's the feel you're going for throughout
on untitled by outoftouch
26 Jun 2008, 8:37 PM
"I know this sounds unbelievably cheesy,
And extremely cliche,"
ding! :)
No real offense intended, and nothing to do with your situation, just the poem--it's a pimple, through and through.
And extremely cliche,"
ding! :)
No real offense intended, and nothing to do with your situation, just the poem--it's a pimple, through and through.
on Her tears by outoftouch
26 Jun 2008, 8:36 PM
the tears aren't for him, really. and this poem isn't for anyone but the writer.
on not good enough by outoftouch
26 Jun 2008, 8:34 PM
"she doesn't she that" -> "she doesn't see that"
cant -> can't
...
This belongs pretty perfectly in the pimple category. It's a common enough place/time/emotion, more for the writer of the poem than anyone else.
cant -> can't
...
This belongs pretty perfectly in the pimple category. It's a common enough place/time/emotion, more for the writer of the poem than anyone else.
on Hardboiled Heart by T. Jonathron Remp
26 Jun 2008, 8:33 PM
Could be good lyrics. The randomness of what you grasp at is the main detractor for me--I can't gel any particular image/meaning/point out of the poem, and that makes any possible insights ... less.
on Killer Gap by T. Jonathron Remp
26 Jun 2008, 8:29 PM
The first stanza and three quarters really work, though I wouldn't expect them too. You're losing it for me where you break from the form and rhythm you've set up ((any form is tenuous and has a lot to prove about itself... and when you drop it, if that's not intrinsically meaningful, ...))
Interesting, though.
Interesting, though.
on I Got Mine Designed by Skamper
26 Jun 2008, 8:27 PM
funny that. random with a hint of purpose (I smell porpoise). I'd like to know a little more about what you got designed... maybe. :)
I'm possibly missing a lot, here.
I'm possibly missing a lot, here.