Comments byShuushin, 801–820 back. Include replies

on Covers by sonawrote 31 Jan 2004, 3:56 AM
It's quite close to something good but it's kept back a bit, i think, by some of the rhymes and that last part where disguise is repeated - somehow gets difficult there. I'd say worth re-working a bit.
on To Avalon by annabellee 31 Jan 2004, 3:59 AM
A good synthesis and gently embedded rhymes - but I can't decide if it's too long or too short...
on some deleted poem 30 Jan 2004, 1:12 PM
This is twice as good as the tripe CLS just spewed -
on Drizzle by Sam 31 Jan 2004, 4:04 AM
Actually, this is quite good for the most part.

"Flood the land with gentle take over" is not.

I can do without "forlornly" and "little" in this context.

I think it's still deserving of a nine though - nice job.
on some deleted poem 31 Jan 2004, 8:25 AM
needing to make some changes....
on Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 1 Feb 2004, 7:48 PM
Brilliant.

Anyone voting less than an *almighty* TEN - is an ass - and I mean that, else God take my eyes.
on Something's gone wrong by zodiac 5 Feb 2004, 2:08 PM
spacing makes me a bit screwed up
but then (I was always a bit so)

what does it all mean? I guess I'll have to use your scale of measurement for such things.
on There is a pea in my bed by w~* ATHENA *~w 4 Feb 2004, 6:00 PM
why you be a plagiarisah? tha be bad.

bad gir.
on Prize gained life, Death in wages by GTK 5 Feb 2004, 8:56 PM
close.
on without music by Limness 5 Feb 2004, 8:58 PM
what you say is not badly said - yet...
on The City (New Jerusaem) by blkarak 5 Feb 2004, 8:59 PM
too much of not enough.
on Damien by Sugarbbybuttrfly 5 Feb 2004, 8:59 PM
you are = you're
on Monday by betty swallox 5 Feb 2004, 9:06 PM
what is this shirty you speak of?
on some deleted poem 5 Feb 2004, 9:19 PM
gonna agree with zodiac; this is a good start - a conceptual sketch.
on some deleted poem 5 Feb 2004, 9:21 PM
RM, I like the idea of it; dunno - I think I'm thrown by the part rhyme, part not combined with word choices that seem selected specifically to rhyme - yet have no mate. S3 espec.
on A Panglossian Farmer by richa 5 Feb 2004, 9:24 PM
paints an interesting picture; fresh.

walls? plural? why?

I like the "week in plaster" but it pulls me from a simpler time; smacks of technology - maybe a splint?
on Swiftly by darkshark 6 Feb 2004, 5:08 PM
sounds too cold to cross with bare feet... I don't think the first stanza is really needed, certainly not the first line (if not, then u could change "water" to "brook")

nor is "out of the water"

the last "And" could better be "Then"
on some deleted poem 7 Feb 2004, 5:05 AM
Most gays are only faking it to get attention - same with straight people.

This is especially true on poemranker, and specifically true in settle's case.
on some deleted poem 7 Feb 2004, 5:14 AM
was the cold-cut bologna by any chance?

Your love of mathematics is obvious. cool title.
on some deleted poem 7 Feb 2004, 5:21 AM
Hey, its a cute ditty; more craft than art - and occasionally that's not a terrible thing.

high marks for accessibility - poetry for the wheelchaired masses (and/or harnessed, as the case may be).

Suggestion: change "for fun" to "diversion" - it rhymes a bit better with conclusion. You may want to stick a descriptor in there, "happy", or "playful"; something like that.

You could also change the title to "pool and poetry"...