hi hbh, if that's your real name.
This does express the description of fear - but I'm always more comfortable with a poem that expresses fear itself.
How do you feel when you feel afraid? Describe some of that abuse - use some poetic devices, paint a picture.
Make me feel it without telling me what to feel?
Can you do that?
This does express the description of fear - but I'm always more comfortable with a poem that expresses fear itself.
How do you feel when you feel afraid? Describe some of that abuse - use some poetic devices, paint a picture.
Make me feel it without telling me what to feel?
Can you do that?
Do you also have a degree in "clothes-wearing" from an accredited "clothes-wearing" educational institution?
Perhaps you instead have many years of "clothes-wearing" (under your belt) or have observed many "clothes-wearing" people who have shown through critical acclaim or other virtue that they are prime examples of fine "clothes-wearing"; this enabling you to judge Melissa's art or science.
Either way, a cleverly fashioned, if not wholely sensible comment - how are you doing with that whole "writing poetry" thing? Done much of that lately?
Perhaps you instead have many years of "clothes-wearing" (under your belt) or have observed many "clothes-wearing" people who have shown through critical acclaim or other virtue that they are prime examples of fine "clothes-wearing"; this enabling you to judge Melissa's art or science.
Either way, a cleverly fashioned, if not wholely sensible comment - how are you doing with that whole "writing poetry" thing? Done much of that lately?
on Small Town, January by zenhaircut
23 Jun 2004, 7:18 PM
good one.
on Tulips for Penelope by zenhaircut
23 Jun 2004, 7:16 PM
Artfully done, but a tad long for a first exposure. I would need to be a fan to commit to such a lengthy verse, and as it is, I admit to skimming toward the end there.
I hope the others are more accessible - but this one; very nice anyway.
(a few typos, btw - a quick spell check will reveal them)
I hope the others are more accessible - but this one; very nice anyway.
(a few typos, btw - a quick spell check will reveal them)
on I Shall Fight by Torok
22 Jun 2004, 1:26 PM
I like this (well, no crazy about the lowercase "i"'s) - for me it stays on the right side of honest introspection.
replying on Time Imperfect by MacFrantic
21 Jun 2004, 7:58 PM
okay, got it. I was fooled by the shirtless cowboys in the previous line.
I guess it ties better with the following line. tx.
I guess it ties better with the following line. tx.
replying on RosalÃa de Castro: When I was born by Sasha
21 Jun 2004, 7:56 PM
Not read that one - any good?
on Johnny by MacFrantic
21 Jun 2004, 6:44 PM
I seem to be late and lone in my opinion, but this was effectively captivating.
on Bankruptcy by INTRANSIT
21 Jun 2004, 6:40 PM
heheh - this is good.
replying on RosalÃa de Castro: When I was born by Sasha
21 Jun 2004, 6:29 PM
Btw, I think you would enjoy the book called "Baudolino" by Umberto Eco. I'm 2/3rds through it; very good. He has a couple other non-fiction things on semiotics that would be right up your alley.
replying on RosalÃa de Castro: When I was born by Sasha
21 Jun 2004, 6:25 PM
oh, okay. Makes sense - I was just going for the sound of it - but really, it's fine as is.
on Worlds Worst Poem by Brittanyy
21 Jun 2004, 6:24 PM
definitely not the world's worst line B:
"Now she's
getting jealous cuz Im sleeping in
your shirt."
There is something universally appealing about a woman in a man's shirt.
fourth stanza rocks - I think it should be the last one (kill the last stanza).
"Now she's
getting jealous cuz Im sleeping in
your shirt."
There is something universally appealing about a woman in a man's shirt.
fourth stanza rocks - I think it should be the last one (kill the last stanza).
on On the Discovery of Simple Sam and A Russian Catastrophe by MacFrantic
21 Jun 2004, 6:19 PM
Quite nice, both.
on Center Of The Universe by Dovina
21 Jun 2004, 6:15 PM
That last line...
I was thinking that if you want to keep it, maybe saying a specific kind of bug would add quite a bit. Like "a stinkbug";
"no matter, it was only a stinkbug"
I was thinking that if you want to keep it, maybe saying a specific kind of bug would add quite a bit. Like "a stinkbug";
"no matter, it was only a stinkbug"
on Time Imperfect by MacFrantic
21 Jun 2004, 6:10 PM
Mac-Daddy-Fan, nice job.
I wouldn't mind seeing a version that is less of a series of snapshots, less list-like.
should "bearing" be "baring" as in exposing themselves?
So, although I'd prefer a bit more flow, these ideas leave some solid impressions anyway.
I wouldn't mind seeing a version that is less of a series of snapshots, less list-like.
should "bearing" be "baring" as in exposing themselves?
So, although I'd prefer a bit more flow, these ideas leave some solid impressions anyway.
on Quiet, Kind Hills by Dovina
21 Jun 2004, 6:03 PM
nice to see "ringforts"
You may very well be saying some profundity - but if so, you have a clown nose on while doing it.