Terrific.

What's 'bespin'?

Preaching is not poetry.

meandering. the first stanza is so difficult to understand, it makes the rest pointless. The last couplet is sort of the cherry on the cake of incomprehensiveness. How you got where exactly?

This is not as good as it was. Now it's too much "Dear Diary". It's best in the middle parts but the intro just kills it. Instead of calling him an abuser right from the get go, why don't you show us why you 'love' him. Your dealing the cards out face-up and that can be boring when the writing is this simplified. Hide the villainy at first, that might help hold the reader's interest a bit more, and it's more honesr, especially considering that you end this poem with the word love. That says loads about your co-dependence.

I like this title a great deal.

Get some help sweety, please, for my sake. If your both using u together go to AA.

There's plenty of images in the second stanza which I always applaud, though some of them, like the Egyptian eye fluid, are so wacko they're in comprehensible. I'm especially fond of thr lighter/heart analogy. Try using adjectives. The whole wacko thing is really a matter of whether or not you want the readers to know what you're getting at or maybe this is an insight meant for only you.

Let's see, if some guy sent me this poem, I would think it he was sweet but a simpleton. I don't know if that's a compliment or not.

Instead of writing thousands of mediocre poems you really should focus your energies on one or two. I feel like I might find this in the card rack at the supermarket under the heading CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.

This is dreadful, and in very poor taste. "Paid up your lease"? what an awful analogy.

Waht means she/he was right, the poem? You don't mention what happened.

Exactly! How many awful poems CAN you write? Why don't you concentrate on one. Your constant posting borders on sadism.

One day you'll look back at this and feel squimish.

'cred'? that's a stretch , isn't it? You are the epitome of mediocrity. The Beige Knave, would be a fitting monicker.

Thank you, most humbly.

Do people really seem immune to you?

The last four stanza I love.

In the first stanza you write

The quiet hum of the words
seem to fade into
each other in ...

Yuo can't say that, 'The quiet hum...seem to...', you see you continuing the sentence as if the subject was 'words' but it's not, it's 'hum'. 'words' is the subject of the preposition.


The quiet hum of words fading
into each other.

Or something like that.

Could you change 'but' to 'though' or some such thing?

I don't understand the title.

'loves' to?

S3 lines 1-5(maybe 6)are good. The rest is not. You're writing doesn't follow any kind of comprehensible path. Except those 6 lines I mentioned.

Check the typos. If the music rocks hard enough this could be pretty good. As a poem it's too simplistic for my tastes, but with it's got loads of commitment.