| regarding some deleted poem... |
<{Baba^Yaga}> 66.229.187.185 |
19-Apr-04/8:26 PM |
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What if you are me, and I'm really you, and we are staring at each other through a metaphorical chunk of steaming dry ice? -=WHAT^WAS=-
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
<{Baba^Yaga}> 66.229.187.185 |
19-Apr-04/8:27 PM |
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I would just like to add an 'EMPHASIS' to the word 'steaming' think of a goat turd at 20,000 feet, piping hot.
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| Re: The Return by doug_soderstrom |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:29 PM |
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actually kinda cute. reminds me of strongbad.
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| Re: Hamptons by bondjedi |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:30 PM |
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It took me a very, very long time to get this.
Though wasn't the deal she _accepted_ financial advice that she shouldn't have? As opposed to giving it?
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| Re: THE BLESSING by Poetsettle |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:31 PM |
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it is not my heart speaks? or is it You speaks? I'm confused, but it seems either way it must be wrong. very confusing all around.
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| Re: #12 by mikejedw |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:33 PM |
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over-lit, I think.
doesn't do enough for me, though it does seem to be a start, the more I ponder on it. I think undulating may be less descriptive of the jersey city night than befits its number of syllables. But I really don't have any suggestions--just my reaction.
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| Re: Middleman by INTRANSIT |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:34 PM |
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Interesting, but I don't really get it. :/ potential, disaster, in triplicate? middleman? ...?
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| Re: Tomorrow by jude |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:35 PM |
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the almost-rhymes and off-rhythms are very painful to me.
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| Re: an exit into limbo by libby_28 |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:36 PM |
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| Re: How it should have happened by INTRANSIT |
nentwined 66.92.183.34 |
19-Apr-04/10:39 PM |
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interesting. I don't think you've caught me with your flow, but I don't have any suggestions.
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| Re: Jesus Creased by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
some deleted user 67.165.254.252 |
20-Apr-04/1:13 AM |
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way to much drama here, sounds like you are trying really hard to be cool, bad and tough. Didn't flow at all for me, maybe a rewrite would work here, doubt it though.
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| Re: Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac |
some deleted user 67.165.254.252 |
20-Apr-04/1:16 AM |
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what the hell is this????????
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| Re: Ballad for a bad Irish accent by zodiac |
some deleted user 67.165.254.252 |
20-Apr-04/1:19 AM |
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Although good, I have serious doubts that you actually wrote this. Did you have some help?
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| Re: The Niglet (Starring Doug Soderstrom) by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
some deleted user 67.165.254.252 |
20-Apr-04/1:20 AM |
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Come on, are you serious with this crap?
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| Re: innocent voyeur by nentwined |
richa 81.178.233.119 |
20-Apr-04/1:29 AM |
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'the faces noeone sees' nope - you see them for a start and I am assuming the situation is public view so so do a lot of other people.
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| Re: Las Gaviotas by Bachus |
Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199 |
20-Apr-04/1:31 AM |
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| Re: Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
some deleted user 67.165.254.252 |
20-Apr-04/1:54 AM |
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Well you sound like a first class dunce, and this is pure crap.
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| Re: Child of my Buttocks by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
some deleted user 67.165.254.252 |
20-Apr-04/1:58 AM |
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You are not fucking serious with this are you? Please tell me that you do not consider this poetry? This is the longest piece of dribble I have ever seen. Give it up, the sooner the better.
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| Re: innocent voyeur by nentwined |
ggawrysi 147.9.151.22 |
20-Apr-04/1:59 AM |
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i don't think that "passed" should have its own line... it's not an action word like "interact." otherwise i like it, last line and all
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
ggawrysi 147.9.151.22 |
20-Apr-04/2:01 AM |
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each time i read it i'm liking it better... the sign of a good poem
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