Re: Suicide Girl by wilco	zodiac 67.240.155.57	17-Apr-04/6:44 AM
For everyone who doesn't already know, Elliott Smith committed suicide by stabbing himself in the chest with a knife.
Re: Temporal by Shardik	zodiac 67.240.155.57	17-Apr-04/6:41 AM
Hot damn!
regarding some deleted poem...	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	16-Apr-04/1:43 PM
The beginning and the end grab me with a cozy feeling of verisimilitude. If oNLy the midDLe kEPt paCE, I think you'd have something.
Re: when do dreams fade? by francis nor capule	edpeterson 68.79.22.21	16-Apr-04/2:56 PM
you might find your soul buried beneath your language skills if you bothered to look for them. I think the lack of sensation left in the wake of pain is a theme that CAN be handled without cliche, but it takes flawless execution to do so. And a bit more imagination.
Re: I Can Write A Wrong, But I Can't Right A Poem by horus8	edpeterson 68.79.22.21	16-Apr-04/3:25 PM
it appears the real play is acted out in the gallery.
Re: Diptych by coffeespoons	oftherealm 4.138.24.127	16-Apr-04/3:40 PM
so lovely to read. i give it an eight.
Re: This > That...Why? by MacFrantic	some deleted user 68.66.196.168	16-Apr-04/8:40 PM
Live life fast and get more life. Is that it? Well you've said it well, but it doesn't fit my frying pan. Slow and easy gets more done, I say.
Re: when do dreams fade? by francis nor capule	tadpole 4.228.183.213	16-Apr-04/9:53 PM
I really like it
Re: Suicide Girl by wilco	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	17-Apr-04/9:18 AM
i really think you could improve the broken car simile - other than that, really well done.
Re: Temporal by Shardik	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	17-Apr-04/9:21 AM
something here stumps me: "And shadows curling through vista The river, black, snaked in daylight." captital v on vanilla? even with those nits - a rockin 9
Re: Summers Breath on my neck by unouluvme	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	17-Apr-04/9:22 AM
would be cool if u made this from the perspective of a small rodent.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 69.140.246.96	17-Apr-04/9:44 AM
This reminds me, in style though not in message, of W.S. Merwin I give this poem a seven in part because it is frank, with little imagery which is not a vice in and of itself (if it were Pushkin would not be the great poet he is) but also, the words do not seem to use their sound to enhance the poem and to conjure up the thought for themselves. What I mean by this can be better illustrated by example. Take Robert Frost when talking about a woman who slept with a nightlight on: Good gloom on her was thrown away. These sounds work together perfectly and inimitably. One feels they are somehow "right" for what is said. If you don't use a lot of imagery, try for what I am tempted to call word-music
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 69.140.246.96	17-Apr-04/9:56 AM
I'm sorry, but this is prose with line-breaks.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 69.140.246.96	17-Apr-04/10:02 AM
Better. 8 Now the mad ocean breaks his teeth on stone
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 69.140.246.96	17-Apr-04/10:05 AM
I'm not sure why, but the word "penumbrally" doesen't seem to work in its place when the stress is shifted over to the secondary accent for rhyme's sake
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	17-Apr-04/10:06 AM
I like "benumbing". and now for the other Khrushchevian shoe, comrade: "throw spikes up" reminds one too much of vomit, and the "up" if you weren't counting sylables would never have stayed. And it implies the trees are performing some action, rather than presenting an image. Maybe thats the idea, that we readers happen upon this scene as the trees push through the earth vomiting spikes [up]. Then after they are like torture racks, the same trees are like wheels - that groan [away]. More lousy tacked on prepositions - newbie mistakes. This thing screams out "I don't want to be a sonnet, please take all this gratuitus fluff and burn it like a book of matches that burn like a puppy left too close to a very hot, flaming object, like a fireplace.
regarding some deleted poem...	Sasha 69.140.246.96	17-Apr-04/10:27 AM
You're quite right about that there, angst is all it is. I don't claim that it is anything else. What prepositions exactly?
Re: I Can Write A Wrong, But I Can't Right A Poem by horus8	Shuushin 207.5.211.177	17-Apr-04/10:45 AM
cool title, engaging read. Was this a rewrite?
Re: The Idea of Fusion at the Beach (After Wallace Stevens) by coffeespoons	richa 81.178.233.105	17-Apr-04/10:53 AM
Well written, has a nice feel. I am left a little confused by the ending. You go from language as fire to language as soft stanzas to language as the wind.
Re: forgetful dyke by elizabethann	richa 81.178.233.105	17-Apr-04/11:04 AM
It is OK, relating of a fairly meaningless but nevertheless charming story. By the way unless your mum is a soul reever I very much doubt she 'brought you to life'.