| Re: Jesus-f-ingChrist I'm Sober by embersandenvelopes |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
1-Apr-04/3:31 PM |
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sheep is as sheep does. not baaaa-ahd.
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| Re: Municipal park by richa |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
1-Apr-04/3:35 PM |
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Hmmm. Strong methinks - strong.
and "have" should be "have" - you knew that, right?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.128.136.178 |
1-Apr-04/2:56 PM |
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This poeme doesn't make sense. You fail.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
1-Apr-04/3:28 PM |
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From this a poem you shall make.
this is very good: "Under the white sheets your heat dripped onto mine and it wasnât the
first time our bodily fluids combined
But it was the last time I wanted you near me"
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
1-Apr-04/3:38 PM |
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I like this one quite a bit - can you loose the word "quest" though - maybe "exercise" instead?? (its actually possible you could loose the entire stanza...)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
1-Apr-04/3:41 PM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
1-Apr-04/4:19 PM |
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A good picture of ocean waves. But I don't see how "If you are what you are said to be" leads to the last two lines.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
1-Apr-04/4:27 PM |
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"What once was the tale"
"empty gap" All gaps are empty.
"To protect a softened heart, walls were built"
I like the first verse. Some of the rhymes are forced. Some of the lines are wordy.
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| Re: Mariana by wilco |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
1-Apr-04/4:32 PM |
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I like this one a lot, somewhereman.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
nothingtoanyone 65.177.241.53 |
1-Apr-04/4:34 PM |
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Well the waves are a garented rise and fall right?BUT this poem it about how someone says that they are great and can rise above but they are questioned becuase How can they if there scared of hight? get it now?
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| Re: I Have A Love by Spindle |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
1-Apr-04/4:37 PM |
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I was off-put in the very first line because I have never "imagined from every angle in my mind." It's a bit much. But as you move along, it's quite sweet, and I'm quite jealous.
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| Re: Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
1-Apr-04/5:58 PM |
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hey aliena, good descriptors - now you just need to say something with them.
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| Re: lullaby by the indign |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
1-Apr-04/6:01 PM |
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too "listy" - yes, I made that word up.
Gimme so flow, gimme some "poetry".
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
1-Apr-04/6:04 PM |
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2nd person... very difficult to pull off; I had trouble "feeling" this.
"Altophobia" - lowercase?
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| Re: Color me Lifeless by alverland theme park |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
1-Apr-04/6:05 PM |
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Sad, but - thankfully - short (this kind of thing can get old quickly)
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| Re: My Apology by capachijim |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
1-Apr-04/6:06 PM |
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| Re: Chemistry by <Wankster> |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
1-Apr-04/6:09 PM |
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Four spelling errors.
Is the ending counter-intuitive, or am I missing something?
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| Re: Cargo pants by tre |
Shuushin 207.5.211.177 |
1-Apr-04/6:12 PM |
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"sorority"
Sure, I get it.
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| Re: The Girl With the Tye-Dyed Hair by wilco |
New Life Drug 67.112.121.237 |
1-Apr-04/6:39 PM |
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| Re: Cargo pants by tre |
New Life Drug 67.112.121.237 |
1-Apr-04/6:41 PM |
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