| Re: Twilight Affair by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
richa 81.178.243.245 |
1-Apr-04/8:48 AM |
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yes, the bridge line is the best, opera of obscenities is kind of disturbing.
You could always try writing a poeme that did not involve smoking a cigarette.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
Luzr 66.213.67.10 |
1-Apr-04/8:52 AM |
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Good, but a bit cliche. -8-
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| Re: Las Gaviotas by Bachus |
Luzr 66.213.67.10 |
1-Apr-04/8:56 AM |
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| Re: Shampoo and Condition by Luzr |
zodiac 67.240.192.231 |
1-Apr-04/8:58 AM |
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I have so many questions about this one. Please write back if you're still here.
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| Re: Municipal park by richa |
Luzr 66.213.67.10 |
1-Apr-04/8:58 AM |
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'have' should be 'has'. Other than that its true. -8-
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| Re: Finest Hour by creedclay |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
1-Apr-04/9:00 AM |
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not bad. a tad longer than it needs to be AND, I like to come to my own conclusions in a poem - without the author telegraphing what I should be perceiving.
Like telling me its a "picturesque scene" then proceeding to describe it to me. One or the other, preferrably the other.
Same thing with nature at its finest hour,
imparting a lesson in life - know what I mean, vern?
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| Re: Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena |
Luzr 66.213.67.10 |
1-Apr-04/9:01 AM |
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Whose doing the mourning? No vote for now
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| Re: Shampoo and Condition by Luzr |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
1-Apr-04/12:47 PM |
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I thought it was a definition of ennui, too, until the "Cancer" line. Makes the "dress to impress" a little more somber.
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| Re: Kites In My Sky by anitawit |
anyone 156.99.105.188 |
1-Apr-04/1:05 PM |
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The ending is a bit choppy rhythmically
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| Re: I Have A Love by Spindle |
<Wankster> 205.188.116.140 |
1-Apr-04/2:00 PM |
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| Re: Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.128.136.178 |
1-Apr-04/9:14 AM |
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Oh yes how beautiful. I often think it's very sad that we indiscriminately tred on dead leaves, crushing all their hopes and dreams. You know it doesn't really matter who does the mourning - everyone has their own interpretation, and opinions are what really matters. Besides, it's profoundly silly either way. Mourning what? Stepping on dead leaves? What in Sodomy were you thinking!? Thanks, -10-
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| Re: Shampoo and Condition by Luzr |
aliena 210.214.123.137 |
1-Apr-04/9:34 AM |
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My routine has been quite as meaningless for the past 2 months. Perhaps even more so. It can summed in 4 words... eat, sleep, eat, sleep....... Wish I could put it words like you
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| Re: Continuation by baughworm |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.128.136.178 |
1-Apr-04/9:37 AM |
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Seven lacerations on a South Dakoty bum
There's seven lacerations on a South Dakoty bum
Somewhere in the distance, seven people take a dump...
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| Re: A wicked rose grows in God's grapevine. by SupremeDreamer |
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 81.128.136.178 |
1-Apr-04/9:56 AM |
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God doesn't need eyes, you idiot. He's psychic. Jesu only made light on the third day, which means He made the Heaven and the Earth in the dark. Clearly the work of a psychic being. So far, I have discovered that Jesu has the following special moves:
- Psychic vision
- Invisibility
- Walking on water
- Gourd of healing, enabling Him to come back to life when slaughtered
- Transubstantiation (the ability to transform into a communion wafer)
Muslim only has the following special moves:
- Martyrdom
- Twin, face-mounted AK47s
- The Mysterious Ramamamadan Spell
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| Re: Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena |
richa 81.178.243.245 |
1-Apr-04/9:56 AM |
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The title reminds me of that panda gangsta book - eats shoots and leaves.
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| Re: Shampoo and Condition by Luzr |
Shuushin 147.154.235.52 |
1-Apr-04/10:21 AM |
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Wondering if you could somehow structure the thing to not sound like a shopping list of ennui; to flow a little better.
couple good lines, the starting one in particular. But there are a few things that nag, like why dress to impress when there is vomit on ones face?
I mean, other than the line _sounds_ cute - (maybe better in another poem, but then thats been done already I think).
There's prolly a very nice poem in here after a little distillation.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
1-Apr-04/12:25 PM |
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I'm not good at math so I'm just gonna give this a 10 since it sounded pretty cool.
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| Re: lullaby by the indign |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
1-Apr-04/12:31 PM |
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A bit too pleasantly cutesie.
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| Re: Leaves, hope and dreams by aliena |
some deleted user 68.169.177.107 |
1-Apr-04/12:36 PM |
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Let them talk. I like some of these images.
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| Re: hands by New Life Drug |
wilco 24.176.102.131 |
1-Apr-04/12:37 PM |
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