Re: The back of a shovel? by horus8	sk8rs_rule_all 24.160.153.131	17-Jan-04/6:11 PM
Damn, reminds me of my friend....the sad pathetic yet poetic soul.
Re: Love is Like a Rose by justjay	sk8rs_rule_all 24.160.153.131	17-Jan-04/6:13 PM
Eh
Re: Love is Like a Rose by justjay	sk8rs_rule_all 24.160.153.131	17-Jan-04/6:13 PM
I think its good....very....actually
Re: If only by sk8rs_rule_all	sk8rs_rule_all 24.160.153.131	17-Jan-04/6:22 PM
Too many if onlys' in our lives and i figured this would do justice to one of them in some of yours.
Re: (Come find me) by zodiac	zodiac 67.240.155.82	17-Jan-04/6:50 PM
I thought everyone would get this. It's about wanting to be 'found' as a writer. And maybe it's all the Whitman I had to read last week, but now I'm thinking, screw 'em. When we're ready (and by we, I definitely include the present company of fellow fungi -) when we spring to the surface like mushrooms, fully formed, we're going to mop the earth with them. Just watch.
Re: sex in the city/sex in the country by tralala42001	titan69 62.31.23.137	18-Jan-04/1:06 AM
what a strange world you live in???
Re: Doe by OneFingerAnswer	richa 81.178.214.93	18-Jan-04/5:19 AM
Your last one about gayness was too clumsy and didactic. This one is really good, the tone, much more thoughtful.
Re: sex in the city/sex in the country by tralala42001	richa 81.178.214.93	18-Jan-04/5:22 AM
The first 3/4 verses are good, the end just degenerates.
Re: O Endless Angst, Thou Stingeth Me by Goad	zodiac 67.240.155.234	18-Jan-04/5:44 AM
I like this except for the title, which doesn't have much to do with the poem anyway (at least not as I read it.) I googled (and poetry anthologied) "endless angst" and "stingest" to see if it was a reference to something and only came up with cheesy teenage weblogs. And I'm confused about the lizards. But I agree with everyone who says the last three lines are amazing.
Re: Perfect by mytenderrage	fevriere 62.254.128.6	18-Jan-04/8:52 AM
It's lacking, poetically. It tells rather than showing. I like that you know what you're saying but at the same time I'd rather the words illustrated instead of just plonking down their meaning.
regarding some deleted poem...	Goad 217.82.7.154	18-Jan-04/2:22 PM
Isn't it cool how wandering rhymes with pondering? And if you use the right accent, you can even make wondering rhyme with pondering. Sadly however, there is no accent that can make ponderous rhyme with wondrous. It just doesn't work.
Re: Jennifer Entire by Goad	zodiac 67.240.192.63	18-Jan-04/6:03 PM
I like this better than the other one, the winter one. Actually, I like it quite a bit. The "her skirted knees" line is especially good. Also "history is unneeded details that history of / a one apart watching that one part / missing" is clever and not too poetish. And "I know you, etc." for the end. In fact, I don't think the last stanza (after the break) is necessary. It's stronger ending at the ellipses without the ocean image - very capital-R Romantic and anticlimactic. Also, punctuation: continuously abnormal or missing punctuation is nothing new or useful or particularly well-liked in poetry. Look at your favorite writers (unless you're some e.e.cummings holdout or something) and you'll see they all use more-or-less normal sentence punctuation. So you're bold and different. I can promise you: no one's going to appreciate it - sadly. They'll hold it against you. A lot like this. It'll hurt you (like this) and make you feel that they've missed the bigger picture (like this.) Is that what you want? You have a good sound a lot of the time - mostly when you're not slipping into fake Keats-n-Shelley diction and imagery, like the 'bowers' in the other poem. I'd like to see you play around with your voice some. Maybe write fewer big-P 'Poems' and more - I don't know, 'stuff.' Remember Wordsworth: 'incidents and situations from common life... in a selection of language REALLY used by men...' I don't think he always succeeded, but it's what I still aim for every time. Good luck - I mean it, from a former fellow-capital-R Romantic.
Re: sex in the city/sex in the country by tralala42001	zodiac 67.240.192.208	18-Jan-04/8:46 PM
Son of dad is the only good part. Do you mind if I steal it for a garage-band name?
Re: Tide Pool by middenHeap	zodiac 67.240.192.208	18-Jan-04/9:14 PM
God, it seems like all I've done is complain about posts today. It's not that. It's just that it's easier but maybe not better to get the compliments out of the way and get to the suggestions. So - it's good. I just got hung up on 'till instead of until and the word 'thing' in the end. Anything but thing and you could be Elizabeth Bishop and a bag of chips.
regarding some deleted poem...	Patsy 24.67.189.245	18-Jan-04/10:41 PM
Well, you're honest.
Re: The back of a shovel? by horus8	Patsy 24.67.189.245	18-Jan-04/10:46 PM
writing from real life?
Re: Benedict Arnold by Justone	basit_i 161.184.180.43	18-Jan-04/10:48 PM
"crystal smoke", "cardboard beneath", "slit my balloon, bleeding red as i fell"---these scintillate. "glimpse of past/lessons for future": too much approaching clichee. but, overall, good. salutations.
Re: it's all about the aeroplanes by Patsy	basit_i 161.184.180.43	18-Jan-04/11:38 PM
Snarkily enough, i was about to not-do anything out of caprice at not having a juicy walking-stick. but being gentle is good too, and so i do so in the end anyways. You ascend higher in terms of all. i await future years with expectatory heart-leaps.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dark Angle 68.101.115.45	19-Jan-04/1:04 AM
i have a huge crush on a girl named angie too! she goes to ucla!
Re: The Fox by cleverdevice	lukehanney 212.219.142.161	19-Jan-04/4:35 AM
Excellent - I am impressed