Jeremi B. Handrinos
on some deleted poem
20 Oct 2003, 2:33 PM
Catchy and glandular.
Quite good.
Poetry now in hatterscope harevision! (Nice images)
A late harvest or a harvest too soon?
(I always peg you on your titles, but it's because I like where you're coming from)
I very much enjoyed this. It was hard to read aloud, as I kept interrupting myself with laughter.
Wistful--I love the playing with time, the nonlinear narrative, what was, might have been, would be, will be. The sporadic rhyming gives this a haunting music--very elegantly done.
The last verse makes worth the reading of the first two, though, you could have left off all but the last and had a much better poem.
Definitely singable. I can see Mr. Rogers crooning this to his shoe.
You tell a good tale. Some minor snipping could make this even more immediate (small stuff--like in the first verse, "teams of chainsaws cope" makes "trying to deal" unnecessary; drop "unfortunately" (telling); stuff like that). I like the ending.
Masochistic or inordinantly fond of your teeth?
Very good. Wonderful images. I like the comparison made between the last verse and the rest.
Indeede, a fine yarn in true 'rankerlecherous tradition.
Good sustained imagery and the repetition of phrases is effective. Overall, a well-done sonnet, worthy of a better title (says one who sucks at titles).
a fithing epitaph - I with I had thome of my teef weft. Wiath a minuth - how come I can thay the 'th' sound in 'thome' but I canth thay the 'th' sound in 'teef'??
thunofabith.
I'm going to save a limb from an electronic tree and just agree with hatters hare completely.
There is some wonderful language in this, particularly in the "Unfortunately..." stanza.
Watch out for dry sockets. Still, I guess I am not up for odes to teeth.
Beat us over the head. Go ahead. Beat us.
this is good. reminds me of Bright Eyes. 10.
Strong images. Usually long poems don't really capture my attention but this one did for some reason. 9.