Shardik
on living room by elmundo
10 Oct 2003, 5:45 PM
Sounds more like the pantry.
Wow, that's an original thought.
Great promise, but in need of an edit and more buffing for the clarity behind the notion.
Seriously not bad.
Good god you are a sad case. get over it, it's horribly boring and nothing new.
And what of the purple bruised urchin when it comes lurchin into a yard full of Sod!!!!
That, and puppy fucking.
Up your arse?
Is God wretching, or are those DNA strands? We should all be worried.
"blocked, he scatched
my eye yanked
on my hair"
this section could be edited to say blocked,/
he scratched my eye/
yanked on my hair/ "
because splitting up the verbs from the objects is confusing. Clean up that first line of typos, too.
A little more description of him and the proximity he was to the narrator with his knife would make it easier to visualize.
Suicide is such a cowardly way out, And I don't think she had time to repent.
Listen here, This is good poetry. It was refreshing in a way. I truly enjoyed it. Don't let the naysayers drag you down. Write for yourself, that's who it means the most to(Although I really liked this one). I think I'm going to go back and read some more of yours. Return the favor eh, tell me what you think of my ink dribbles.
In light of your new poem, this means more to me than it would have by itself, it brings back good memories of Christmastimes I'll never see again either.
What do you mean you gave up? It seems like you still care so much.
Tell Darkie to put it where the sun don't shine. (Anywhere in his vacinity would be fine)
I'm sorry, it must pain you deeply. And the assholes on this site can't help with your emotions.
I especially like the line 'love doesn't need words'
How telling!
We are here to grow, so grow up and take it like a man.
One has only to read [most of] the string of comments above to realize that DA's third verse is the genius that confused, then offended and then inspired all of you to quickly "pull your open blouses closed" thereby revealing your own prudish personal brawl, the subliminal "clothing" that protects the spew of your ment. DA mocked - and won. That ot to be wth a tn.
Artie? If and when you are done licking his comatose balls and changing his feeding straw... could you get out of the way, pass the salt. wipe off your faCE! AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!? Thanks!