Christof
on fuck that bitch by Lucifer
13 May 2003, 9:14 AM
Er, quite. Become a rap star maybe? Then you can spout this out and get to wear cool jewellery and stuff. Eek.
Do you think this is profound because it is stultifyingly simple?
What if you said "that's a promise motherfucker" don't you feel that would be more poignant?
I'll say!!
What is this? Plan b?
Did you know that in Mexico Jesus' nick name is Chewie. So, in the name of Chewie back ah, back ah. I really like how you properly "" jesus. As if he said it just like that? The truth is Jesus has nothing to do with the truth. If you are going to quote him, might as well quote the others. Mohammed, Krishna, Budah, the dhali Lhama and all the rest of the dead prophets. I believe in the future. You'll get farther quoting yourself, without sounding pretentiously ridiculous.
Very lucid and I'm sure rewarding.
I think i agree with poet andknowit, there's soemthing too highly-wrought about this. i think if it relaxed more there would be more tnederness to it; as it is, it plays like a very artificial masquerade of love's conventions. Individual lines I like very much ('Alive in something sacred' is great) but altogether I feel it's too forced and sometimes melodramatic (our names carved in a diseased sycamore/ Memories never felt this cruel before' - further weakened by the facile rhyme). But there is something real here which I think you uncover elsewhere ('The Blooding').
This would be great as prose, as it is the rhymes just make it all seem bathetic (the best lines are those where the boy reads Hemingway and the mother holds him close - non-rhyming and rhythmically perfect). The chess image is an interesting one which supports the theme of power.
This is more like it - a really singular poem, full of arresting images and visceral description. Your feelings of disgust and betrayal are palpable. Love the 'palsied old man'. Brilliant stuff
'A profanity of limb and curve' - wow. Sensuality and fathers in the same poem - here's a fine line!
Good to see you at number 12, couldn't happen to a nicer guy. And in this poem you've really let yourself go ans surpassed yourself. The sounds are brilliant, the mystery deep and the feeling of the earth is strong and elemental. Really, this is great.
Good to see you at number 1, couldn't happen to a nicer guy. And in this poem you've really let yourself go ans surpassed yourself. The sounds are brilliant, the mystery deep and the feeling of the earth is strong and elemental. Really, this is great.
Excellent piece!! However, perhaps you should consider the distinction between "poetry" and "a series of uninteresting, mostly unconnected thoughts presented in a form whose only resemblance to poetry is its frequent line breaks". 10/10!!!!
ya i downed a lot one day befor school, because i heard it made you trip, well it didnt, but it did make me sick
Oh shit, you really have done more drugs than me!! I was just acting like a tough guy, trying to play in the big leagues, but you're the real thing!! I made up the whole thing about being quadro-spazzed on a life glug. There's... no such thing.
I...I just...O Jesu what have I done?
The last 4 lines are really good, I agree, the rest just a little bald and declamatory.
You have to admire Hobsbawm for that And I like this haiku, it made me chuckle. Chuckling is good and a very neglected art these days.
This is surely the work of our old friend Horus8? Hope you get your will back