-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
on some deleted poem
19 Apr 2003, 4:50 AM
HTTP://LOL!!!!!
Amusing, that they are rarely dissapointed.
Huh?
This tale of suicide could use a little work. Connect the events. -7-
You say "fuck" as if still figuring out the power of the terminology. Here watch.
Fuck you.
Possibly your greatest work of them all!
Did you measure it just perfectly so that it fits smack bang at the top and bottom of my screen? I think that for that stroke of genius you deserve a ten.
Terrific flow at the beginning. Try to stay with it. Great images; thistle works well I think, for all the obvious reasons. Your going to be a great writer some day, some day soon.
Come to California
I can't see your brown eyes from here.
Mend my sorrow.
You always take me by the hand and lead me to the well. You're really a great writer, the second stanza is perfect, in it's use of sound, of image... you're one of the best, there's no debating it.
How the fuck do all those ideas find room in your head? You make it look so easy, I'm always stifling myself.
There's definitely potential here. I would like to see it more emotive rather than all the emphasis being put on rhyme, but it depends on how you want it. 7 anyway, nice work.
oooooh thats not bad at all!
yeah its very good. but then you are
Sounds alot like something Mr.Pig wrote that I liked. -8-
I like how you stick to one subject but this isn't all that great. -5-
K big guy, but the try in "Try
Drop
Your pain forever more,
Night
Falls
To lose you in yourself,"
Is that supposed to tears?
-4-
Je ne parle pas francais.
Confusing. I get the impression of birth in the first 2 stanzas but I don't feel that follows thru to the rest of the poem. So is this about a baby or a lover? Either way its lovely. -9-
i wish you were my momma settle
er YEAH DAMN RIGHT
Green on white? why didn't you write a poem about mouldy bread?