horus8
on (e0)(af)(87e0) by nentwined
30 Mar 2003, 1:35 AM
and listening to the police, naturally, their greatest hits.
You know that poetry's been bombed out when this piece gets the attention of all the greatest cynics at poem cranker, and me, at the crack of dawn, but low and behold it's still the witching hour here gentleman, and i'm cruising at high speeds on me new e mac. fuckers.
Hmmm... Amazingly not too lame. In fact I ratter liked it. -9-
WORTH AN 8, GO SEE A DOCTOR
it's stupid
Did you just try to rhyme "fire" with "time"? Good Lord.
The only thing worse than a poem that insists on rhyming is a poem that insists on rhyming and fails.
Hahahaha thump Hahahahahaha
I fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. Here -10- before I fall again. LMAO
Line 4: absolutely
Line 7: Seems kind of muddled. Maybe "As I stand in the raging storm on what was once a bright and sunny day"
Line 8: If it's stormy it's not really empty. Maybe "stormy and gray" (Or synonymous words to avoid repetition)
I don't understand some of the words you choose to capitalize. For a title, "Turbulence" ?
Mr. Hand.
your other perversions are much better.
Very strong, G'sW. Earlier last week the Brits had a count of 20 dead in Iraq; 18 by accidents or friendly fire.
Excellent, OFA; especially 'Staring down the future'. The appropriate strewing of a smattering of commas will help your meaning.
Damn good, Sctz. As a recently divorced person, I sure as shite don't want to go through this.
It's been a while since you've posted. If I may encourage you to write, I think most of the site would agree that we miss your nutty and sincere flair. When you write again let me know.
Julia Stiles already wrote this poem--or one close enough as to make no difference.
Oh dear child. I had hoped I'd never have to explain this to anyone ever again. Its not love if you have to ask!! Not to mention you give no detail, nadda, none. This is for all intents and purposes a look at the thoughts inside a teenage adolesant mind. Your giving us shallow thoughts with nothing to base them on. No concept of a landscape inside your head or much less of the world around you. If this isn't the worst poem ever written I'll bet its close. -0-
Alright Lyrics -7-
Huh? If? Wha? Nevermind confused. It seems to make sense to me but something is nagging at me about it. -10-
till I figure out what it is(that could take awhile) :)
Wasn't expecting the ending. You slipped that one right past me. Though it makes sense. -9-
Good Times, Good Times