wEdible Underpantsw
on some deleted poem
28 Mar 2003, 4:07 AM
Shabby
its good, but raw. blue lights pulled em over. what about the od? or wreck? give more.
I must say I thought that was going to be good just from your first line but nope. Not really sure what went wrong but it ended up a trainwreck. -3-
find something i can have with a long flat red, and we're talking, poncho.
Masterful
Truly great
I agree with Stephen...filth
you are so cute when you are stoned, you know that???
Yo se que eres un poeta, sin argumento. Hay varias palabras y frases que matan cualquier duda de tu dolce dominio del lenguaje.
Gracias por haber lo puesto tan crudo. En este momento es solo lo crudo que puedo entender. Es tan dificil expresar sentimientos nuevos. somos una rasa nueva, moderna. El teror de la guerra, para nosotros, lla no es algo fisico. Lo vivimos emocionalmente, espiritualmente. Cada muerte es una pena y un dolor.
Esta poesia no esta completamente formada, pero lla veo la belleza de su rostro.
Waiting to die
"Waiting to die"
There is some promise here. Think carefully.
Curled like an autumn leaf
Waiting to die
is a brilliant line. I think I steal it from you, after all, I made it work.
Get rid of closed.
Get rid of in ( i will walk your trail)
"kicking dust up as I go"
What the fuck, this needs a deep cleaning, and I'm not giving anything away for free (anymore).
You know what your talking about but you have no skills.
muh....i don't like the end. its pretty vague but not in a good way and not final or strong at all. some excellant description though. i was glad it wasn't longer, it would've ruined the charm.
Ewww... I never I should have quit reading after the sex but no I thought there will be more sex and then I was like sweet a blow job but then Curiousity got the best of me Anal Ewww... this would be a 60 rounded down to 10 cause there is nothing higher than a 10 but you just lost 51 points for anal enjoy your 9
Point well made and well taken. I wish more people understood that. It doesn't make it any better but it does put things in perspective. I hope that this is fictional though. I cannot imagine what it would feel like to lose a child but having lost others I know part of the pain.
In fact I will go further than that, this poem is a bag of horseshite which I think Justin Timberlake would think about twice before singing.
eh? Why not -6-
cack.
hhmmmm. simple. i like it.
Filth.
quite good, i love the professionalism. you could use a few more metaphors
Tick Tock Tick Tock, The Ever Running Clock
At the chime It will be 7 o'clock