BETTER BUT STILL CACK

Scenes of full metal jacket emerged

fuck off

That's why nixon started drinking scotch too.

Line five: Smoke The rest: Good stuff.

Using 'Where no birds sing' as a first line reminds me too much of 'La Belle Dame Sans Merci' for comfort.

This is the best poem on this site. All the rest are crap including my own, but this actually made me chortle out loud, for this sah I commend you.

so bad it's good. http://www.likesbooks.com/parody.html

what about 'pawned' for a title? i really like this, especially "It's just like you to know the name and the price of the Best One of Anything." i don't get the slumbering hills reference, though. would i understand it if i saw them?

how we love to love the vampire.

why do i have a problem with the wind carving snowflakes? it irritates me. i am such a realist. why can't i warp my mind around a logical twist? ugh. anyway, i like it. but i think the strongest part is "The important thing is to cut the right wire when defusing the time-bomb". but then, i also think that that's a separate poem. the ideas aren't melded enough for me, in this poem's current state. hope that helps.

you know, you can rhyme more than one syllable at a time; you can cross and slaqnt rhyme; you can get all kinds of complex patterns working, or you can thump away on the bass drum, like you did here. it might make the verse less clunky if you expanded your technique.

hey, you deleted my comments. no fair.

The turd cutter pondered the penis shaped potato with a sigh then went back to work.

Somehow, your last stanza blew up leaving goo and limbs all over the others. Ruining this almost chuckle worthy piece. Shame.

Now that was a lovely foreclosure.

this makes a good lyric

SHE WAS A WHORE.

However having just read katies dross poetry I have to admit I prefer the idea of breaching her maidenhead.

Perneum pushers. hilarious.