the last line is an aside that is not in tune with the rest of the poem, which is vivid and alive.

I keep reading this and I think it deserves exaltation beyond p/r.

what the hell are you people talking about?! this poem is about those funny furry things coming here and taking over our planet...you know? the ones from star trek episode bligiddy blah. p.s i never knew you and barthalamue (baltazzar) talked such candid shop, interesting..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! it can't be...the pain. you whore. and i loved you so. i still do. i lke me carpet steamers used and rented, by the way. here's to you WOMAN! and the brilliant tales that you weave, you have stolen my heart and ass wiped my sleeve.

what the fuck ever. seriously in all actuality you are a total fucking tarpuffer lonedisco29and ahalf..obviously the loose bowels of an over weight turnip..even dark angel has more trajectory..well.. even anthony robbins has more class than this and that shite head is classless...sorry for fogging up your glasses, but come on... you are grasping at gophers on a dark highway in minnesota..let go man...just let go. here..a hug. 0. this isn't even a real poem it's a fucking advertisement aimed at something called jealousy...drink a diet shasta..i recommend...boysenberry.

yep.this still is absolute crapola. what a waste of ho2. fag.

sounds lyric, more so

I cannot get the Robert Frost out of my head. I am get a bit confused by the voices - mixing first and direct. So that loses me a bit. But I like the idea and the first two stanzas completely draw me in. I think the problems for me. starts in the 3rd stanza. As guardians roused from dens long dark Scattered on legs in multiples of four, Startling, but not stopping, our unmending the wall I get this, but it seems a wordy way to say bugs craling about. Unthinking of ages -- i don't like this line. It seems obscure.

no, no. "what eye feel on paper" implies jabbing the paper directly into the eye.

Lnshdw, even this sort of poetry should probably steer clear of the word 'nothingness'. Makes me wonder why we don't have the word 'somethingness'.

I like it, Cdcs. I would, however, like to see wenches associated with more positive elements than 'stench', perhaps 'wymyn's wenchly winsome wyles and wunnerful quenching...' something, something; they deserve it. Not sure about 'derelict peace'.

In Frisco? Is he a member of the Residents? Eyeball 1 or the skull? SepArated.

This kind of vague in theme. It is a good base, but there are too many different points going on here. I would advise that you break this up into two or maybe three poems, and develop in more detail each theme separately.

Gimmicky, but I suupose it's supposed to be. The rhythm and stanza length are uneven and could use some work. Amusing rhymes, definitely.

...I don't think this counts as haiku, does it? The lines are too long. But I like how it's self-referential and a bit ironic.

I read somewhere the average person farts 14 times per day. This poem is stinky.

I'm on the posi-side here. And another vote for (derelict peace). I want to write something like this for my mom, I'm just not ready yet. Fab read indeed.

I'm sorry, what changed?10

sexellent.

So what, the chainsaw is a metaphor for a strap on and the carp had to show you how to use it so when you switch to the other side you can have the dominant role?

mmm..bleach-y.